I thought of you and smiled. It was a warm smile of love for you. Not the kind of love (that deliciously lustful stuff) we had. Rather the kind of love that comes from gratitude. I am grateful for everyone who has come into and gone out of my life. That includes those who did me harm – intentionally or not. Everyone has been a teacher. Your lesson was awakening – coming out of a lifetime of self-hate and seeing for the first time to what depths that kind of self-hate brought me. Still, all those years I faked my way through and my source stayed with me so that I could come to the place that I am now. All along I did not know I was exactly where I was supposed to be. This morning I looked in the mirror– looked myself in the eyes and said “I love you”.
The freedom, the relief – it feels like settling into a favorite chair, with a favorite blanket.