October 22, 2016

So my name is Jaime, im 24 years old. I have dealt with my eating disorder, BPD, and Bipolar depression for over a decade. I am in love with my wonderful boyfriend that has given me a promise ring, that soon one day he will purpose to me. I am in college for dog grooming and I have two amazing dogs. That is a little bit about me before I continue.

Today has been a hard day, just like last night. Brian, my boyfriend, had to leave to go to his grandmothers before having to enter Trosa, a drug and alcohol long term rehab that was court ordered. He will be away for two years and he had to leave last night as well as his dog that has also been staying with us. I can even go upstairs to our room(we/I live with my mom still) without being able to smell him on his pillow. It is braking my heart. I miss him so much, I don’t know how im going to be away from him for two years. Sadly my first thought is wanting to numb out by either cutting or not eating, but I know that’s not a wise choice. Its just so hard to stay away from my demons when im so vulnerable. Distraction is a huge necessity at the moment, but the second im not, the pain floods me with emotion that I feel like I cant handle. Well I guess thats all for now.

Jaime  

4 thoughts on “October 22, 2016”

  1. Jamie, you and I are very kindred spirits and I sympathize with you in this hard moment. I know how extremely difficult it is not to numb myself out and start cutting to make myself feel better. Just keep telling yourself that if you get numb and cut, when you become sober and its all over with. You are going to regret it, and that deep pain of regret is not worth even doing it in the first place. Try to remember that if you start feeling weak. Hang in there. You can talk to me if you need any support.

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