If there is one thing i value in this life its privacy. I have the freewill to choose who to share my deepest thoughts with. So far there is no one that i can do that with except for maybe my pets, seeing as they can’t go telling anyone, but i have taken refuge here, where i can rant and no one i know will know who i really am or whats going on inside. My family on the other hand loves to take to social media and vent about all their feelings and get sympathy from the world, i can’t do that i rather put a porn clip up than share the way i really feel.
Yesterday was a long day spent in the confides of the hospital, turns out my brother isn’t doing so well and needed a blood transfusion plus and iron infusion, great. We literally spent the day there, from 8am to 5pm, most of the day was spent trying to distract him from the reality that soon we might be spending more and more time here, eventually the day grew on me and sure i wasn’t feeling all that positive but i still tried to put the brave face. Once we arrived home i knocked out straight away, sleeping is my cure but it didn’t seem to work this time and i couldn’t hide it so i went slightly grumpy, later that night Marv called twice but i had missed it so i called back (its rare for him to call more than twice in a row, so this seemed strange) so i called back and he got to talking asking me how my day was and i tried to sound happy or at least a hint of cheerful but somehow he knew i wasn’t, i thought oh what a great friend that he knows when I’m down and all but this morning i saw mums phone with a message from him say “She seemed fine, i think i cheered her up”. This made me so angry I’m filled with all these emotions that i have feeling and all at once. Number one: my mum texted him to check up on me, which means it wasn’t even genuine, sure there might be some in there because he wouldn’t have gone through with it but i had trust issues before and once again i know why. Number two: Mum knows i hate other people knowing how I’m feeling, and Marv is one person who i don’t want knowing how fucked up i am. Look i know mum was only trying to help, i get it she’s a mum but i have a clear communication with her about how i handle things and this was a betrayal of my trust and i hate that she had to bring Marv into it. All i want to do it cry and hide. I can’t even look at mum the same right now