Skip To The Good Part

I just watched a video on twitter which was a tribute to the tragedy in Orlando this past summer. It was a beautiful 5 minute video of people coming out, expressing their love to their partner and getting legally married to the same sex. Of course, the romantic I am, tears were streaming down my cheeks. No I’m not gay, but being away from home for the first time has been extremely difficult for me. I’m a homebody for sure, loving to get cozy in my own bed at home after a long day. Not only feeling safe in the comfort of my own home, but within my friends, family and boyfriend as well. I miss being able to see the faces of those closest to me at any given point because the distance was nothing but up to a 20 minute drive.

I know this might not be making sense to you, why I started off talking about this video I saw, but the moral of this entry is that college has brought me nothing but extreme loneliness and depression. I’m used to being able to see my boyfriend and best friend every single day, and now looking back I absolutely took that for granted. Now each night I return to my closet sized bedroom, lay on my rock solid mattress and listen to nothing but the sound of my breath and the grumbling of my stomach. The room remains still, besides my fish circling his bowl and the tears dropping onto my pillow one by one. I’m alone. No family, no friends, no boyfriend…

And so I write to keep myself occupied. I write to keep sane. I write to express my feelings to someone that is here to listen, rather than my mother who tells me to lose touch and “enjoy the college experience.” Rather than my friends reassuring me “It will get better, give it time.” But really, what is time? A week? A month? A year? Until then I’ll be waiting, waiting for better days. If only I could skip to the good part.

One thought on “Skip To The Good Part”

  1. You’ll find your niche in college don’t worry, how long have you been in college so far? And if it really doesn’t suit you after a time isn’t there a college you can go to closer to home? Try making your room your own, get some more personal stuff in it, pictures you like, flowers, hell throw in a few teddy bears! And get yourself a TV and snacks, not eating always makes me feel worse when I’m already feeling crappy and talk to people there’s always someone to talk to, even just sitting outside with a book helps because there will be someone who will want to talk to you 🙂 cheer up sweets you can do this x

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