Another late night and I’m in agony right now!! I’m feeling really tired and have taken painkillers so will try sleep after this. I feel kinda bad for posting the God Made a Mistake poem, so I’m going to post one I wrote in 2007 when I was 18 years old; it’s about how I was saved by a couple of Christians who responded to my desperate, suicidal online message (I sent it but didn’t think I’d get a reply) and gave me face to face counselling sessions as they were actually based in Cardiff. I am very grateful to them for being there for me when I wanted to die and had no one else to turn to. This isn’t a good poem at all but I really wanted to put my experience in the form of a poem as I was so touched by it!!
One night I cried a thousand tears
And prepared to face my death,
A farewell letter, a noose ready to hang
For I thought I had nothing left.
I searched for hours in desperation
My sense of hope bleeding away,
Surely nothing can save me now?
This must be my very last day.
But then I suddenly found you there
And I didn’t even realise or know,
I sent you a message in despair
Then said it was time to go.
I woke up early in the morning
As the sun began to lighten the sky,
And Lord I found you had answered me
Saying it’s not my time to say goodbye.
For days you gave me comforting words
And you wanted to see me face to face,
You told me that you could help me
So you gave me the time and place.
I didn’t have to go to heaven to meet you
Through others you gave me your hand,
You sat and listened to my story
And tried your best to understand.
You told me you couldn’t stop me
If I decided to end the pain,
But you said you’d never abandon me
And that my tears were never in vain.
You told me you’d always be there for me
Whether I was wrong or right,
You told me that whenever I’d fallen
You never ever gave up the fight.
So Lord I want to thank you
For reaching out to me that day,
I’ll fight through my feelings till the end
I’ll remember why I have to stay.
- I am strong (have pulled through a lot of things!)
- I always seem to be able to carry on and keep going