Shivers In An Empty Shell

My husband has a serious drinking problem. I don’t know what to do. I came home from work yesterday and I heard the baby crying before I opened the door.

I walked into the livingroom and saw her sitting on the floor next to an open beer can. She could have cut herself or knocked the can over and sip from the floor whatever was in remaining in the beer can. Our pitbull was standing over my baby. I’m sure Cinnamon was picking Baby Girl in the face with her poopy tongue before I got home. Baby Girl had a bruised knot on her forehead. I know she fell off the couch. 

I don’t know how to rate myself. My first reaction was to calm her down. I picked up my precious baby, held her close and said, “everything is ok. You are fine. Daddy probably had to rush to the bathroom. Let’s go see…”. Baby girl was inconsolable.

We walked to the bathroom to check on her dad. The bathroom door was wide open. My heart sank through the floor when I saw him sleeping soundly in our bed. I wanted to smack fire into his face and watch his beautiful skin melt into my flaming palm.

Instead, I tapped him to wake him and calmly asked…how long have you been sleep? He said he fell asleep with the baby in the bed next to him. He doesn’t really remember.

It’s not the first time he blacked out and woke up without memory of what happened before he woke up. It’s not the first time Baby Girl was left in his care and she fell. He’s dropped her from his limp, drunken grip at least 3 times prior as far as I know. She’s not even a year old yet.

So now I can’t trust him to keep our daughter safe. It’s neglect and child endangerment. 

Right now, I lay in bed alone as I have been doing at this hour for going on 3 weeks now. I feel empty, numb. I’m cold and lonely.

 

One thought on “Shivers In An Empty Shell”

  1. That’s a very difficult situation you’re in. Your husband would have to want to get help, do better—and it doesn’t sound like he wants to. Your love for your daughter is beautiful. Hold tight to that. Ask God for help. I will pray for you, too.

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