I am finished with another work week. I am so tired. I have worked some more on my portfolio. I have got to write that teaching/education philosophy statement. Ugh. I have been trying for two weeks. I worked on it a tiny bit today. I have to get all my shit together and have it ready for interviews. I have got to ask more people for letters of recommendation. I have only asked like 4 people so far. I need to ask 10-15, so I will have several to choose from. I want to have all of that shit together.
I am going to ask Lisa what she thinks about me leaving Lexington. It will cost me financially, that’s for sure. I just don’t see how to stay here, though. If I even only go to northern Kentucky, I am taking a pay hit, which will also effect my retirement. I hate Brent for putting me in this position.
My former friends are having the annual murder mystery party tonight. I saw it on FB- I sure wasn’t invited. I don’t understand how anyone could be so mean. I haven’t done anything to any of them. I’ve just been deeply depressed and not fun. I literally have been planning my suicide for several months of this year, and they cut me out. Very nice. At least I see what they really think of me. I was only invited to stuff when I added to the fun. When I am not entertaining, I’m cut out. Why is it that everyone that knows me- even my fucking mother sees me as optional or disposable or expendable?