There are times when it’s all too much. Keeping up the smile for the sake of everyone else around is exhausting. People say that they want to see the real you. They want to be there for your ups and downs. But they really don’t. It makes them uncomfortable to see you falter because it means they have to face the fact that the one who holds it all together is weaker than they believed. This makes them feel vulnuerable. Of course, there are those who just don’t give a damn. Either way, a sanctuary of sorts is needed to work through the complicated mess inside my heart and head.
My heart… it is the core of this iceburg, isn’t it? I wonder if I have the capability to love anyone in an intimate or romantic sense anymore. I feel cold. Bitter seeds beneath the smiles have taken root. And over time, they’ve used the last bits of hope for bedding.
All that is well hidden beneath the charming, winning personality that people accept and understand to be part of the woman they see in front of them each day. Frankly, I am weary of having nowhere to just… be.
I sat here several minutes before typing the first letter. I wrote the first sentence. Censored myself. Erased it. Wrote again. Sat back and smirked at the sugar coating. Erased it. And then… I wrote the truth. I wrote the reason I am here. Good or bad. Positive or negative. This is where my truth belongs.