Just Be. 

Today I wrote an email to a friend and part of it read: “Ugh, it’s an awful feeling, feeling like I’m losing myself and I don’t know how to find my way back”. It’s the right words to express how I’m feeling. Not the perfect words, just the right ones. Some days I just feel like laying down my armor and admitting defeat. Though the people who commented on my last post gave me a sense of encouragement and a boost in my will to fight, so thank you for that.

 Today I can’t say I feel better or worse. I woke up and watched the Seahawks play and even though I felt like we played really well, we suffered a disappointing loss. Then I talked myself into going out to get coffee but didn’t have the desire to get dressed up so I got by with a sweater, some powder and lipstick. I drove for a few, hoping to get my mind right but it didn’t seem to help so I came home. I cleaned up the kitchen but the productivity stopped there. Part of me wants to watch movies but it’s only 5 p.m. and I can’t justify watching movies until bedtime… 

So in this moment, I am just here. The TV is muted and music is playing in the background. My sweet dog is curled up against my side and fast asleep. And in the midst of it all I am hoping the right song will play or a notion will come over me to do or to feel… something. Until then, this is where I leave you.  

4 thoughts on “Just Be. ”

  1. I’m not sure I have a response that will be at all insightful since I’m just beginning to read your journal. I just wanted to let you know someone is listening.

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