Nov. 1, 12:24am

I forgot my “Happiness advantage” for a few days xD but i was better…. Definetly better? 🙂 I was almost dying of anxiety on wednesday. O was FREA-KING-OUT . I  was literally panicking, almost trembling, so scared of going up to Seoul and seing Nine i would say. Why? I don’t know? The emotional memories from the crisis days maybe? I don’t know, but it was some HORRIBLE days last week. I thought i was going down again, but today was a better day, definetly better :).

The weekend was less hard than the previous one, and having him there with all the love he has for me… The biggest blessing in the world, i am truly loved by God to have desserved such a big lesson on love.

Now, a cutsie thing happens. Listening to Nova’s breathing while sleeping on the bed next to mine brings me a smile 🙂 cause suddenly, Nine comes to my mind… And the thought of him brings me a smile… And that creates another smile haha

Nine is love, in its purest form towards me, in a way that touches my heart, moves my soul, disarrenges my life and gives meaning to it all at once. He IS my eternal love.

He is the one that tries so hard for me. The one that leans on me, the one that smiles for me, the one that gives me strength… And i am so lucky for that, so blessed that he is him. But why do i keep feelig that he is only my “love lesson”? As if i am supposed to let him go? Let him go and watch him be happy… 

Time to sleep now… I am tired, and that doesn’t help my anxiety.

I love you, babe ♡ in a way i cannot understand ♡ i love you and i don’t know how to be in love.

Ps. I have a 2 day delay and somehow, i always have a tiny hope that it is Catalena ♡ our Catalena ♡

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