What a whirlwind of a weekend! I love Halloween, but this weekend was particularly eventful…
It started out Friday with a costume party at the neighborhood dive bar. A guy named Macon has started to do promotions there and he asked my friend Juliet and I to decorate.
Macon… Oh, Macon. Macon is another one of those complicated situations. He is one of those men that sex just oozes from. He’s beautiful and confident and has this deep voice that just gives me chills. His major flaw is that he just doesn’t know what he wants.
Something you should know about me is that I know who I am. I know what I’m going after. I know what I’m worth, and I won’t settle for less. I knew when I was 10 years old I wanted to be a teacher and the reason I chose this career is because I knew I wanted to be a wife and a mother and I saw teaching as the best way to be the best wife and mother I could be. I would have the knowledge to back up my children’s education and I would have the same schedule as them, allowing me to spend the most time possible with them. Ever since then, every choice I’ve made in my life has been in an effort to make myself a better teacher for my future students, a better wife for my future husband, and a better mother for my future children.
I’m already a great teacher. Goal 1: Check. You see where I’m going with this?
Macon is not like that. Let’s be honest, most single people my age (28) are not like this. They’re not 6 years into their careers. They haven’t been homeowners for 4 years. They aren’t hostessing dinner parties and remodeling their bathrooms. They’re doing what Macon is doing…
Whatever the fuck that is. He DJ’s at clubs some nights. He runs the late night grill on the patio at our neighborhood bar some nights. He promotes club events some nights. He takes classes working toward being an insurance agent. He literally floats.
But damn he’s sexy.
We flirt relentlessly. We’ve even slept together a couple times. He’s one of those guys, unlike Demetrius and Kade, who I would actually date. Even though on paper he doesn’t actually have a whole lot going for him, he’s intelligent and such a good guy… He’s charming and super close with him family. And sexy… did I mention sexy? Oh yeah, he’s also black. Remember me talking about Demetrius and this being the South? It shouldn’t matter, and with Macon… it just doesn’t. Even though my family would hate the idea of me dating a black guy, I don’t think it would last long if the black guy I was dating was Macon. I think he would charm the pants off them.
There’s a theme happening here… I’m slowly becoming more attracted to black men than I am to white men. Lord, what a cliche. The thick white girl who dates black men. Smh…
Macon and I talk about this thing between us a lot. Neither one of us is shy at all about admitting to the attraction between us. But we also both know we’re in different places. I’m ready to settle down and he isn’t sure if he’ll ever want to. He knows that if he ever does settle down it’ll be with someone like me, but he’s just not there yet. Every once in a while, like Friday night, he gets a little glimpse of what a relationship with me would be like and it makes him stop and think. Before the party Friday, he and I went to get decorations from Walmart… he said he wouldn’t have been able to do it without me. I helped keep him focused, I came up with ideas for the party, and we left with a buggy full of stuff for the perfect Halloween party. Later, at the party, he told me he wasn’t sure he’d ever been shopping with a woman before. He said “I felt like we should get some food for the house.” I asked him what he meant and he said, “It just felt right. Like we should be talking about what we’re going to cook for dinner when we get home. It felt like we were together.”
Because I actually do have feelings for him, I’m reluctant to sleep with him (more than I already have)… But he is hard to resist. Sunday we both ended up at a friend’s house for a football game and it was all couples and us. He joked about us “being together” for the sake of the awkward moments when everyone else coupled up… at those times we would snuggle up to each other and it felt good. After the game we went downstairs to play pool (I don’t know why he tries to beat me… it ain’t happening) and I flirted with him hard… I think it just turned me on being close to him all day. I talked smack about the pool game and squeezed myself beetween him and the table, sitting on the edge and wrapping my legs around him… He buried his face in my chest and kissed until i fell back onto the table. We heard everyone else coming down the stairs so we just laughed and went back to the game, but a few minutes later, when everyone had gone outside to smoke, he grabbed me suddenly and pulled me into the bathroom, closed the door behind me, slammed me up against the door, and started kissing my neck and rubbing his hands all over my body. Everyone came inside again and I told him we needed to stop before we got caught… I slipped out the bathroom a couple minutes before him, but I could see by the situation in his pants that he was still thinking what I was thinking.
Yesterday I texted him:
Me: We did a damn good impression of a couple last night, by the way
Him: I agree
Me: Especially the getting cornered in the bathroom part
Him: That was good… but I had to exercise some serious self control
Me: I would have been ok if you hadn’t.
Him: I wish I had known… you have been a stickler about those types of things lately lol. But… noted for future reference.
Me: Haha… we’re clear on where we stand now, so I’m good.
Him: Yup. Next time you’re gonna get it.
Lord, I hope he’s right.