Dear God

 Dear God, 

 

Why? Why God? 

I know people are meant to go through struggles, that’s what happens when You let humans have free will. I get that. But how could You let me go through all that without even a sign? Without even an ounce of protection. I prayed so much, I surrendered everything often. I raised it up to You and left it in what I thought was your hands. God, I trusted You! I trusted You with everything and You didn’t do anything to save me or protect me from such a messed up situation. Am I not good enough for You? Have I sinned too much? Have I disobeyed too much or walked away too many times? You choose to protect other people, so why not me? Am I really that bad? 

I know the Bible says You made me piece by piece and that I was made perfect in Your eyes, despite my imperfection on earth. I know the answers. I know all that. But if that’s all true, then what stopped You from shielding me? What did I do to deserve the trauma, pain and hurt? 

I try to pray and read the Bible. I try to connect with You, but I feel nothing. I don’t feel anything. God, I try to do what I can to find You. I long so much for You. I want that relationship again, I want to learn to trust You again. I want to live the life of obedience. And most of all, I truly want to be healed. I don’t want to live forever with this open wound in my heart. I don’t wanna live in a constant state of distrust and fear of who will hurt me next. God, I don’t want to live this way anymore. I want to feel You, I want to feel that you’re there. I want to KNOW you’re there and listening to me. God, I want to feel that You still want me. I want to know that You care. Yet, I can never feel You no matter how deep the longing in my heart is. I know I have a long way to get back to where I used to be, and to create a closer and even stronger relationship than I’ve ever experienced before. I know that. I just keep getting caught up in this vicious cycle. I want to get close, and I pray from my heart, but I don’t feel anything, and God I REALLY need to feel You right now. So, I get discouraged, and I temporarily give up. I try again a few days later, but the same thing happens. God, there has never been a time that I’ve needed to feel your presence more than now. I need a tangible sign or feeling that I know you’re there. I don’t know what it would be, whether it’s some sign around me, feeling inside, You speaking to me, I don’t know. I just need something. Why won’t You give me SOMETHING? I just don’t understand. I realize everything comes in your time, but I’m starting to lose hope. I’m starting to lose the faith I had that You would meet me in my time of need. God, it’s my time of need and I need nothing more than You to meet me here. I really need You to meet me here God. Please oh please meet me here tonight. I need You, I need to feel You, I need to know you’re there and that You still care. Oh God, how I need You… 

God I am still so hurt. My wounds are still raw. I’ve tried to start healing, and I’ve tried to get You to help me with it, but I still feel so broken. I just want to start healing. I know it takes time, but I want it to get better. I’m so sick of feeling hurt. I’m so sick of feeling the deep pain. I feel so lonely… And no one really else understands. I can talk my head off to whoever I can find, but only You understand me and where my heart is at. God I need You to help me heal these wounds and help begin to heal all the hurt. 

God, tonight I am really needing an answer to my prayers. I have had no success other ways, so I’m trying something new. But I really really need You to meet me here God. I really need you to hear and answer these prayers in a tangible way… 

One thought on “Dear God”

  1. Dear Kkewski, God does love you. Sometimes, like a glowstick, we have to be broken before we can shine. I went through a similar time in my life. It’s so awful, I know. Maybe you feel guilty about something. Just ask God to forgive and believe that He has done so. He has. He is grieved that you are suffering so much. Try talking to Him from a place of faith. Believe that He loves you and whatever is keeping you from feeling it will pass. Talk to Him thanking Him for His love, even though you don’t feel it. Keep talking to Him, and read Romans 8:38 in your Bible, dear. It’s truth.
    Father in Heaven, I pray for my sister Kkewski, and I agree with her in asking for evidence of your tender and forgiving love and your great healing power. Heal her heart, Lord, so it can be a vessel for your love and joy again. Show her a whole new wonderful relationship with you. Let her know that she is fully forgiven for all errors and mistakes, through the Precious Blood of Jesus. Send your Holy Spirit to be her comforter, as you promised, Lord. Remove any blockage. Hold her close to your heart in a very special way, so she can feel your love again. I ask this with all my heart in the mighty Name of Jesus. Amen.

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