Fail

 I failed a module in my masters. I failed one module in the eight I took, while competing with people way more qualified than me, learning in an educational system that was new to me , in a foreign country (I had never ventured out of the country) , while living alone (something I hadn’t done for more than 3 days before) . I still managed to pass in the 7 others, scoring pretty well a couple of them, when I had expected to fail in all. The result is out and I have an F, in a subject I was sure I was going to pass. Now I have been angry at myself enough , and I want to convey who else I’m angry at.

My parents. They are currently behaving like someone died. “Don’t tell anyone among the family and family friends about your course.”  “Can you not file for an appeal? (I can’t. I am not allowed to file an appeal on academic grounds.) But why aren’t you even trying? ”  And this is happening right now . When the marks are out. After the preliminary grades got out, my mother literally screamed at me and blamed the whole family’s doom on me. An F is the reason why we need save every cent now? Yes. According to my mother, yes. And she has outright claimed that she is embarrassed of me now. Because of one F. Let me just clarify that failure is not an alien concept for them. And they did not learn this lashback from their parents. So yes, I’m angry at them. I’m angry at them for not just not providing support, but also trying to tear me down, when I most needed their help.

I’m angry at my department. Here are a few examples of students in a different university doing the same degree, or in the same university doing a different degree, whose graduation is not getting postponed by a year like mine: a student who failed 2 out of 8 modules, a student who failed 5 out of 9 modules, a student who failed 4 out of 8 modules. They are all graduating in a few months because either their aggregate allowed them to pass, or they were allowed to resit the failed modules during the course. But I need to pass in all modules , and I need to resit a year later. How is that fair?!

And lastly , but mostly , I’m angry at the professor who failed me. The man who couldn’t find 10 minutes to have a meeting with me, the man who later started ignoring my mails, the man who didn’t post any material online , the man who refused to record his lectures, and the man who could give me a few more marks and make it a D , so that if I score poorly in other subjects as well then I’ll be held back , but instead decided to be the sole reason for me being held back. Sir, I don’t know if you’re sadistic or racist or were just venting out some frustration on my paper, but know that in the eyes of at least one person in this world , you are a terrible person. 

One thought on “Fail”

  1. This is a time when your parents should be giving you support and not criticism. Masters courses are notoriously difficult. I’m sorry to hear that this time has been arduous for you. Know there are friendly ears listening.

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