Hi,this is my 1st time writing a public journal, I got the idea from the film “ask me anything”, I share some of the reasons of the main character to start writing. Excuse my English at any time as it’s not my first language.
I don’t really know how this is gonna turn out but here we go. I’m a 16 year old girl and I live in England; I have moved quite a lot in the past 4 years seance my father died( he is not my biological one but my adoptive one, although I would not see him as be my father). I currently don’t know what to do with my life, like I did till a couple of weeks ago but for the millionth time my mum had to mess my shit up, before I say anything bad about her just have to state that she loves me very much and I love her; but we got issues many. Issues that are slowly killing our relationship, me and my life .
My life is nothing special, I have a wide social life, with a small number of friends which I trust with my life, but underneath all that I have been self harming for over 2 years, currently have an eating disorder, Im an incipient alcoholic and I’m slightly depressed and suividal with small psychopathic tendencies( so I’m told.
I stress about my future so much, till the point I don’t actually want to to live another minute, I’m scared I have illnesses ( probably because my dad died of cancer). I also do bad jokes about mental illness, cancer , recism, abuse and all that sort of stuff ( in my defence I think it’s because I’m scared of all of them and that’s how I deal with them). To the eyes of everyone I’m strong, brave, independent, funny, energetic, 100% confident. But that’s just a good cover up. The only thing I don’t hide is my god-complex. I know it’s very contradicting to my other side. Might I also have multiple personalities? Would not be surprised. I have so much hate for so many people, even people that I don’t know, I just feel like punching, hitting , stabbing them so much, never till the point that they die; just enough for me to start over again and again. To then leave them feeling as if death was a better option. That’s just how I feel on a daily basis: hurt multiple times without being able to end it, and when it stops, I starts all over again, just to hurt me more. I very gladly would like to be able to punish someone for my suffering.
Well this has been a nice short introduction to me and my life, I could write more but I don’t think anyone would be particularly interested or entertained by my life, Even I am not!