Wait and see

The most I got out of my doctor appointment yesterday was a flu shot.  And a “wait and see’.  I’m not really a “wait and see” type of person.  I’m more of a “let’s do the blood tests now so I can get on with my life” type person.  Patience is not my strong suit, but I have been working on that.  The past few years have helped me with that.  After a spinal injury, surgery, and not being able to work for two years, one learns to more readily let things take a natural course. 

During different stages of my life, I have felt differently about the person I am, what I look like, my comfortability in my own skin.  I’m realizing the older I get I am less willing to compromise my own health or well being to please others.  I’ve heard other women talk about as they come into their late thirties – early forties.. even as late as into their fifties, they just feel better about themselves.  I’m starting to feel that.  I think also for me it’s partially a result of my spinal injury that I am just so thankful for the parts of my body that do work correctly.  I feel so grateful when going for a walk is even possible that what my body looks like is less of an issue.  I’m grateful for these emotional changes.  

And although I still am a perfectionist who has high expectations for myself, I have realized that some things are not necessary in the world at large.  Some issues can take a back burner when other things are more important.  There is still that part of me that wants to look a certain way, but it’s just not as important to me anymore.  I want to be healthy.  And capable.  And pain free.  I am grateful for the body I have.  And my grey hairs.

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