The most I got out of my doctor appointment yesterday was a flu shot. And a “wait and see’. I’m not really a “wait and see” type of person. I’m more of a “let’s do the blood tests now so I can get on with my life” type person. Patience is not my strong suit, but I have been working on that. The past few years have helped me with that. After a spinal injury, surgery, and not being able to work for two years, one learns to more readily let things take a natural course.
During different stages of my life, I have felt differently about the person I am, what I look like, my comfortability in my own skin. I’m realizing the older I get I am less willing to compromise my own health or well being to please others. I’ve heard other women talk about as they come into their late thirties – early forties.. even as late as into their fifties, they just feel better about themselves. I’m starting to feel that. I think also for me it’s partially a result of my spinal injury that I am just so thankful for the parts of my body that do work correctly. I feel so grateful when going for a walk is even possible that what my body looks like is less of an issue. I’m grateful for these emotional changes.
And although I still am a perfectionist who has high expectations for myself, I have realized that some things are not necessary in the world at large. Some issues can take a back burner when other things are more important. There is still that part of me that wants to look a certain way, but it’s just not as important to me anymore. I want to be healthy. And capable. And pain free. I am grateful for the body I have. And my grey hairs.