Fear

Sleeping late and sleeping only for a few hours. This has been a routine for me since you’ve walked away. I don’t know how or where I get my energy to continue working through the days; but in the night, the time belonged to you and to the memories we’ve had that I’m still struggling to bury. I miss you still and I still think about you during the days and dream about you at nights. Am I becoming obsessed? I don’t know. I wanted so much to forget you so it would be easier for me to move forward but the more I try the more i remember. The other night, I fall asleep while crying so deeply and noisily. It just struck me that somehow on social media you and me are still connected. I was thinking maybe the time will come that you will eventually burn the bridges. Maybe you were just bidding your time. But the thought of it brought sever panic rushing through my body. I was afraid! And I was hurt of something that has not happened yet. I was afraid that if that happens, I would completely lose you. I wont be able to see you anymore. I wont be able to know that you’re alright even if your account has never been updated since my birthday. I knew that if that happens, everything about you, anything that manifests that you existed in my life will be completely gone. No one will remember that we were a couple once. That were in love. The people around me couldn’t believe that we are not together. We were so in love say said and that you loved me. In my mind, I guess loving and being in love wont be enough. Until now, my mind is still riddled with a lot of possibilities. Still my mind is reasoning out that there could have been another way to solve whatever problem there was. But all the chances are gone now. I wanted to believe in magic. That maybe the destiny that brought us together in the first place will bring us back together again. I simply miss you. I can hear my heart calling out for you. I can hear it loudly calling when I look up at the dark sky at dawn. Hoping my call will be written on the empty sky. I wanted to shout “come back to me!” “Please stay..” I wanted to tell these to you.

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