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My Reason – Awareness

So, i have started this journal because i have hit yet another rough patch in my life.
(I will go on to explain the depths of my past in the greatest of detail in future entries).

But i feel this is going to help me again, i have written online journals in the past (different website) and i think it helped me. Just being able to speak my mind and write down the feelings i am having without the judgement of people i already know personally, can be a wonderful feeling of freedom.

Get to know me a little:
My name is Megan.
I am currently 19 and my birthday is on 3/12/1996 (Shout out to Ozzy Osbourne).
I have servere depression.
I get very anxious and paranoid when i leave the house.
I lack confidence in myself, my appearance, my beliefs and my future.

Wait…I realise there is a pattern of negativity happening in my ‘Get to know me’. 
Lets continue, however i will speak of only the positive traits…

I thrive on helping people, this makes me feel like im actually a good person.
I think i can be rather funny, if i do say so myself… 
I am a fighter, i will not let my depression beat me again.
I am passionate in raising awareness regarding Depression and Suicide. 
I enjoy educating myself on cognative thinking and these patterns. 

                                                       *****************************

Okay, so this was not intentional… When thinking about who i am, i read back through what i had already thought of, just for a little inspiration as we all do when making lists (i think). But i noticed i was finding it difficult to be positive. Isnt it funny how we find it a lot easier to be negative and doubtful of ourselves? Yet when thinking up the positive and great things, it feels as if you are scraping the bottom of the barrel. 

Now think of a family member or friend, what comes to mind? More positive or negative?… For me i have to say easily positive. I’m finding it so much easier to be positive about someone else than myself. We really have to start loving ourselves. 

Now i do believe the above in most cases – Not everyone thinks so little of themselves… but however i do believe it is common. Therefore we need to educate and retrain our minds… This world can be brutal, it will keep knocking you down. Remember no ones life is perfect, we all have our own demons to face. But if we could just change the way we look at things, it could make a big improvement to our welbeing and maybe even to those around us. 

Anyways, i’m trailing off and you’re probably getting very bored!
So this was just a rather small insight into who i am, i suspect i will be back tomorrow for my next entry to which i shall start from the beginning. 

 

-Written in bed on my laptop next to my little dog and opposite my moderately large cat. 
Whilst listening to Natasha Bedingfield – Unwritten. > How fitting. 

Take care. x 

 

 

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