My first day of writting

Hey.. Yesterday I felt really really lonely I really got nobody to talk to my online friends half of dem left me or  does not send me any messages.. It breaks my heart when I go check my phone and see there is nobody to talk to.. Also irl it breaks my heart even more when I realize I dont got friends I dont got someone to talk to.. to go out have fun.. watch movies idk whatever just to have someone to spend time with.. I am literally wasting my time alone..Since a girl that was my best friend or so called fake friend since she left me I am ompletely destroyed person I was really depressed but I had online friends to talk to but since I lost everyone irl or online I feel my depression even more. I used to show my depresssion my sadness tears and sweat.. But.. Now.. I pretend like everything is alright.. Well only from my parents I was hidding my fear my pain my loneliness.. from d beggining.. Right now I am waiting 11 AM so I can get rdy for school.. ah school.. the worse place on the planet.. the place where judging starts the palce dey made me  a monster.. weirdo so called.. although there are lot of weirdos bigger than me.. I am not weird..I am just lonely..Idk wt else to say cause I keep repeating dis line I am lonely! YES I AM LONELY! I am sick of dese words this line.. That happens every single day.. Already 2 years.. It was my birthday on October 24th only my mom and dad somehow remembered it.. I did not get anything because my parents got no money.. My step sisters forgot it all family forgot it Irl nobody knew from class… How could dey know cause they dont even talk to me.. THEY..DONT..KNOW ME THEY DONT KNOW WHO I AM AND THEY JUGDE ME.. where is the logic? When  my mom said Happy birthday to me.. I was thinking in my head Happy? huh? well its more like Crappy birthday to me..  What I really wanna feel so badly  is love I never met love..  I never felt love.. Well  I liked guys and stuff I was in love but nobody ever knew it even if they did they hated me cause yeah everyone hate me.. All the girls in dis fucking world talked to a guy  like a friend.. I never talked to  guy if we dont count fighting with guys and  answering their insults.. I never talked to guy or even hugged kissed or anything.. I feel like I am an alien.. and also lot of ppl dont wanna hear about my problems well yea why would dey? they are my problems nobody cares about dem… What they dont know is that they make my problems they are the  cause.. Lot of ppl told me like well other people has even  worse problems than you.. So loneliness is nothing? My opinion is that the person that cannot walk or talk and person with depression and negative feelings are the same they are the same.. there is no worse or less worse problems it all depeds on a person.. The person that feel pain inside is exactily the same as person that feels pain outside.. They cannot tell me there are people with worse problems! yes maybe there are ppl with worse problems but would you just say there are more worse things people are going through but you cannot help dem would you keep thinking that and not helping the person in pain that u can help no matter wt wrong with it.. Its like you want for example the green apple but there are only red apples in your town or wtever would you keep saying I  want the green apples  and not buying the apples you got? why would not you buy the red apples if you want apples? they are both apples but they just got some different color and just a bit different taste whats the difference? its the same with humans.. Okai  idk what shits did i write in dis thing there are so much text i wrote hope it makes sence Idk  anymore thats how my head works so much mess in it.. Imma go get rdy for school now.. 

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