Shits happen in dreams too

Hello.. Its that time again when I feel messed up.. Last night  when I came home from school I talked to one friend I met online thou he is like few years older Idk whyyy but I like stareted to like him like a real real friend and as he said he had bad childhood and expieriences with people as he said he did not really had friends and stuff I felt like someone understand me that he feel like me as a friend dat he can completely understand me but he said like he met a woman that he know like 8 years and that he have lot of good online friends well it broke my heart because I thou he feel the same way I do but he actually got lot of ppl care about him even his parents.. Which made me cry cause I really cannot say or tell any person that actually care about me.. It seems like every single person has someone a friend.. Or someone idk.. But just I dont.. I tried to talk to 2 more of my online friends they both of dem or did not have time or just ignored me… Thats why they are not the same as people who have friends irl.. So I felt really really broken dead I actually felt like shit I could not sleep but also could no stop thinking about shits and stuff idk..I felt like dying well not dying cause I am already dead inside.. Inside I am empty I am dead as wilted flower… I.. I.. in that moment all I wanted to die All i wanted was stop felling I wanted to  fall asleep and sleep forever.. Well I went to watch the serial and  after dat I went to play some anime mmo as usual but dis one was new an open beta.. Then I went to sleep but could not really sleep kept thinking about how alone I am and… I felt the same feelinging again but dis time I felt it was killing me.. Everyday every feeling is going deeper and deeper inside me killing my soul my eart breaking my heart my veins my skin… After that I finally fell asleep and I dreamed a dream.. It was like.. I cannot explain.. The dream was: I idk from where I came from but I went somewhere idk where.. I dreamed that I met a guy… I idk we talked He was really cute and we were talking really cute and I was a bit shy and confused… And he gave me him number I was like saying shy and confused wat number.. He said heres my number  call me if you want to talk sometime or idk dont remember completely.. Then he offered to take me home thou and he helped me put my stuff in his car it seemed like I was moving cause I had suitcases and I went in car waiting for him but there was another girl she was like those bitches and idk like all styled and stuff and I was in his car and I saw him with her in her car like talking to her and chatting and they i believe kissed idk.. And then I woke up.. Idk wt dis dream is trying to tell me and I dont really understand it but.. I just felt watching dem I felt lonely in dream again I felt broken thou.. sad even if dis is a dream I felt like tht! I even feel pain in a dream! why! SHITS HAPPEN IN DREAM TOO TO ME JUST TO ME.. idk wt I suppose to do with my life why am I born? born to die? Just go through life not doing anything? not being useful? not having anyone or anything just born to die? Idk where my life is going I’ve thinking all my life about suicide Sine I was 10 yrs old and I I really dont know wt Ill do anymore but I also know I am scared to commit suicide or not brve enough or idk… 

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