I’m not new to this journal thing, I’ve just had writer’s block for far to long now, but not anymore. All those jumbled words that have been floating around in my head for all this time, yet couldn’t put into sentences are ready to fly out of my mouth like word vomit. So apologies if I’m bouncing around all over the place.
I’ve known my Husband for 10 years, together 8, married 1. We’ve had our ups and downs just like most couples, we’ve even separated once before this and of course we also worked to save our relationship. This time, something was/is different, we have drifted so apart that we get along better as friends than we do lovers, when we kiss it was as if you were drunk at a bar an made a pass at your best guy friend..it was, it is heart breaking for me. This person who has seen all my light, all my dark, knows all my flaws, the person who has been there for me though thick and thin and gave me the best thing I could ask for in this world (our Daughter) has become a stranger to me; Mentally, Physically, Sexually, and Emotionally.
Today I told him how I really felt, He agreed and it was of the lines:
“I don’t think i’m in love with you anymore”
My heart Shattered with this talk, while I realized I was losing my family, The empire we built together, My safe place, My comfort zone; My trust is broken, my guard is up, my heart has a wall and I’m bitter as fuck-i’m quite pissed actually because he could careless-his actions have spoke louder than his words and after all this time, I’m tired of fighting for someone who made it quite clear that he doesn’t want to be fought for. 8 Fucking Years!!!