You know people keep telling me that “It will get better” and I know this, mentally and physically, and well eventually.. but what I’m going through now,the argument I just had with Thomas (That’s my husband’s name) has me totally FUCKED UP Emotionally.
like I feel like the BIGGEST PIECE OF WASTED SPACE! As if NOTHING I did this whole marriage has mattered or helped in any way, shape or form. I’m Not Betty Crocker, I’m not Danica Patrick, or even Martha Fucking Stuart.. But What I know Mentally in MY OWN MIND is that I’m a DAMN GOOD MOTHER (my 3 Year old Even tells me that one), I’m a LOYAL, HONEST, COMPASSIONATE, DETERMINED, UNJUDGEMENTAL Woman Who takes NO shit, Won’t put up with NO bullshit, and will be your BIGGEST FAN.. yet he has found a way to hit me and knock me to my lowest point.
And I still find that the one reason I want to fall apart is the one thing keeping me together and that would be; CHLOE. (Our Daughter). I never knew there could be a person to hold so much power without knowing so. She’s given me more meaning to life than anything or anyone ever could. She has been and still is the light at the end of a dark tunnel. She is the MOST Beautiful Chapter in my book.
One day she will know & understand the power she holds, and I hope she will hold on to that strength better, yet.. I hope she will pass it on to me for when she is in need, I will be able pick her up as she has done for me.