I’m a little better than yesterday. I swear, I think depression is going to be what kills me. I feel that one of these days I will be so low I won’t be able to fight the urge to hurt myself. Everything affects me so deeply. My kids growing up has hurt me so much. I am on my ass from the pain and I know that shouldn’t be. I feel like I am no longer needed by anyone. which is actually true. I would never talk to my kids if I didn’t contact them.
I realized today that I haven’t had a boyfriend since I’ve lived in this house. That is 4 years. And before that, all I had was Adam which doesn’t really count. I have tried and tried with the online shit and I used to go out pretty regularly with my friends when I had some, and I never met anyone. I don’t know what is wrong with me.That stupid bradlee did me like shit last winter. I am so stupid. I actually thought he liked me. I am the worst judge of character ever.
I am going to sell my house and move somewhere. I have to do something. I am miserable.