You said okay

 

It all started with closed eyes

And a feeling in my gut telling me

I need to keep them shut the whole time

Because they opened even for a second and I saw your lips

They’d suck me in like black holes when they bend light

And it was then I realized you were not my world

You were my universe

Sometimes when I look up I see stars

That cut through the sky and fade quickly into nothingness

And I pray that you aren’t as fleeting

Because when we’re lying in roads I get the same feeling

That gravity will just turn off and I’ll fall endlessly

Into something much larger than I am

And I wonder if that’s what it feels like to die and

If I’ll ever understand god in my lifespan

Because I want to see god

I want to know what god feels like

But with the weight of the bible I will break Adam’s ribs

And repeat, my dear eve, you do not take after this

You were not made in a mans image

But if that’s the case why do you feel so lost

In the empty space that his hand isn’t

Why do I wait wondering how long it’ll take you to admit it

I’d rather keep my mouth shut then start to say what I can’t finish

Baby I have limits

So I’m singing ‘la la la’ in empty rooms that carry sounds like hollow caves

‘La la la’ just to prove you’re not the only one that can occupy a borrowed space

‘La la la’ for every ship that was set to sail but got washed away

I’m singing ‘la la la’ in desperate hopes that when it bounces back I hear the octave change

So if we could just pretend that your voice exists inside this empty void within

Then holy shit, holy shit, holy shit if you spoke

Insomnia might loosen it’s wholesome grip on my throat

And I can begin to forgive you for admitting the hoax

Instead of learning to hate you for very minute you don’t

Because I sit here wondering if anything you said was true

And who it was that taught you to speak bullets

Without considering the exit wound

Tell me who

Because I still think back to the first time you called me with nothing to say

That morning you were more than just my friend and we both noticed something had changed

You drove to your parents house and we talked about everything

We talked about how much it sucked, but no matter what, we had to remain

Nothing

And in that deafening silence

I asked if I could still call you my snowflake

And you said okay

 

 

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