So I ended up going to see my parents for my mom’s birthday a couple of weekends ago. Surprised them. It was the best decision. They were so happy to see me. My dad cried. My dad never used to cry. We had such a nice day together. We shopped, had lunch, just hung out. Went out to dinner with my brothers. I went to church with Mom on Sunday morning. Before I left to return home my mom told me she had a dream. There was a lemon tree. She picked the lemons and bit into one. It was sweet. Her interpretation was that prior to my visit she had “sour” feelings surrounding her birthday and my sister’s birthdays – like she was given lemons. My visit made the lemons sweet. I like this.
S was at a friend’s house from Saturday afternoon on. He spent the night there. D was content for the day doing her own thing, but I could tell she needed a bit of attention/pampering from mom. I got a spa session ready for her. Bubble bath with candles, a wine glass with milk and a book. I read to her while she soaked in the bubbles. After the bath she sat in a comfy chair with her feet up. I gave her a little facial complete with cucumbers for her eyes. I rubbed her feet with lavender oil and put on her cozy spa socks. She was in heaven. She really appreciated all if it. I was so happy to do it for her.
On Sunday D asked a classmate over to do some homework and hang out. She’s known this girl for a number of years, has gone to her birthday parties, but they never really hung out 1 on 1. D asked me to make the arrangements with her parents – I started the ball rolling, but the girls talked and made the arrangements. She said it was a little awkward talking to her on the phone, but they made it happen and they had a great time together. So proud of her for stepping out of her comfort zone.
I have been on a path of greater self-awareness since my sister passed. One of the things I have learned/discovered from the teachers I have been reading and listening to is this: We can’t control anyone else’s feelings. I remind myself of this every day. I tell my children this when they have had a disagreement with a friend or family member. We can’t control how another person reacts to a situation. It is on them. Looking at things this way has been very helpful to me in many situations. I hope it helps my kids as well.
D’s Spanish class did a little exercise where they wrote a word in Spanish that described each of their classmates. They wrote the words on strips of paper and each child made a chain out of the strips. D was not really happy with hers – the words were predominantly “intelligent”. I told her that it was fantastic but she disagreed. I asked what words she would have preferred. She didn’t give me an answer. I gently told her about the importance of being viewed as intelligent over being viewed as attractive. I hope it resonated with her. She’s so young yet, but she needs to know that she is so much more than her physical self.
A new view of how I think of foods that I am trying to put into practice: I want to feel good about the foods I eat. I want to have good feelings while I am eating. I don’t want to have negative feelings when I eat something. If I have a negative feeling about it – I won’t eat it. With this in mind I can eat anything and it’s not about being allowed to or not allowed to. It’s just “how do I feel” or “how will I feel if I eat this”? Putting restrictions on myself has gotten me into so much trouble with food for my entire life.