Him

Sometimes I feel like… I think (let’s call him Karan) Karan and I will never be permanent. I think this relationship will stretch out for as long as it can, but eventually, when he sees that his family can provide him with a wealthier and a more beautiful (a word he’s personally used for a prospective arranged match for his Brother while talking to me, a word I just cannot recall him directing towards me) bride, he won’t bother fighting anyone for me. Because he can’t get that emotionally attached. And he’ll call it quits. That is, if I haven’t gotten sick of his emotional detachment by then and broken it off. And if this happens, if he does call it quits, then I think that by then I would have had enough of his lack of regard for my feelings and wouldn’t feel a thing, if not relief, during that break up. But I can’t bring myself to break it off with him right now . Because currently , I still feel for him. Sometimes I think I love him, and can only halt such thoughts by remembering that he took 4 months to call me his girlfriend, and after 8 months, he can’t even call me Bae. A simple, cute, common endearment , and he can’t utter it. So I don’t really expect this man to ever love me.

But I’m still willing to wait it out. To see it to the end. Because the heart is a fool.

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