Another lonely weekend. I have been alone the whole time. I am Bethany came to Lexington this weekend and I haven’t even seen her. She really doesn’t care if she sees me or not. I don’t know what it is about me that is so unlovable, but it seems like no matter the relationship, no one cares about me- not my parents, siblings, children, friends, boyfriend or husband (not that I’ve had either in a very long time). I am completely forgettable. I am always left out of everything. My sister invited my son to dinner tonight. I texted her this morning and she didn’t even respond. Why does no one care about me? What is wrong with me? It has been this way my whole life. I have never been the friend that everyone rallies around. I truly don’t have anyone that cares if I exist. Why is that? I am not a bad person. I am kind and caring.
I will keep pushing on for now and get all my stuff sold and get my house sold and my car sold. If I get a job, I will try to make a new life with the new job. If I don’t get a new job, I am still leaving here. I am still quitting my current job. I will have some money from selling my house. I can use it to go far away from here. With no job, changing my name would be even easier. There would be no explaining to do. No matter what happens, I am getting rid of my current phone number and I will make sure no one here will know what happened to me- I doubt anyone would even think about me to wonder, actually.