Sunday November 13th

Another lonely weekend. I have been alone the whole time. I am Bethany came to Lexington this weekend and I haven’t even seen her. She really doesn’t care if she sees me or not. I don’t know what it is about me that is so unlovable, but it seems like no matter the relationship, no one cares about me- not my parents, siblings, children, friends, boyfriend or husband (not that I’ve had either in a very long time). I am completely forgettable. I am always left out of everything. My sister invited my son to dinner tonight. I texted her this morning and she didn’t even respond. Why does no one care about me? What is wrong with me?  It has been this way my whole life. I have never been the friend that everyone rallies around. I truly don’t have anyone that cares if I exist. Why is that? I am not a bad person. I am kind and caring. 

I will keep pushing on for now and get all my stuff sold and get my house sold and my car sold. If I get a job, I will try to make a new life with the new job. If I don’t get a new job, I am still leaving here. I am still quitting my current job. I will have some money from selling my house. I can use it to go far away from here. With no job, changing my name would be even easier. There would be no explaining to do. No matter what happens, I am getting rid of my current phone number and I will make sure no one here will know what happened to me- I doubt anyone would even think about me to wonder, actually. 

One thought on “Sunday November 13th”

  1. Ah, I feel the same way often. People have their own lives to deal with. If you’re not a big part of their life – like you don’t hang out with them often, or you’re not part of they’re family – they tend to not really care about you too much, but they still care, just a small amount.

    Here – when you made this post you were in a terrible mood and you kept justifying all these negative thoughts. But when you’re in a positive good mood, it’s hard to think of any negative thoughts. I’ve been through that phase, you just need to feel like someone is there listening to you. I can give you my skype and phone number if you want someone to talk to and listen, I’m way under your age though so we can’t really form anything :\, but I’m here to listen

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