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The Last November Lights

Picture above is my son at just 4 or 5 months old!

I have actually been really unwell with this cold! And of course Harry had a really bad teething day yesterday; he couldn’t have his nap during the day because he was so restless and uncomfortable so I managed to get him down for the night at 8pm…but he woke up at 12:50am 🙁 I fed him then tried to get him to settle with me. After an hour of him rolling around on my bed, climbing on me, pulling my hair and poking my face it was 2:05am. I decided to put him in his cot because he obviously wasn’t going to settle with me! He cried when I put him in his cot and wasn’t asleep till 2:30am 🙁 I felt absolutely dreadful the next day, he still woke up at half 7 in the morning. That day I had to give him a dose of calpol again but it still didn’t help with his nap. He was exhausted and in a bad mood because he was so exhausted! Constant tantrums about every little thing. I fed him and he fell asleep but woke up as soon as I put him in his cot. I left him and he fell asleep in 5 minutes. He woke up 40 minutes later (he usually goes for two hours) crying. I picked him up and held him. He fell asleep in my arms so I held him while he slept for nearly an hour. I now have a pulled muscle in my arm and it is killing me! Thankfully he slept through the night last night. He didn’t manage to go down till 10:35pm 🙁 I had a temperature yesterday and have been feeling so ill! I think I’m starting to get better now though, the worst of it is over.

My mum seems to be doing better with the retirement thing now, I think that’s getting sorted. She hasn’t been doing too badly lately. She is already thinking about Mexico and trying to get things sorted for it. We leave in…29 days. Taking Harry to see the health visitor tomorrow so she can give me advice about taking a baby abroad, then Harry has his vaccination on the Thursday. I left Harry with his father’s family as usual on the Sunday, left him longer than the hour because I was feeling so rough. I worry I don’t spend enough time with Harry because I do a lot of housework and things. He’s a very independent baby and always has been. He doesn’t like you to show him how to play with something, he likes to work it out for himself. He used to like looking at books with me but now he prefers to look through them himself. He knows exactly what he wants to play with and what he wants to do with it. Apparently not all children are so content to play by themselves, a lot of parents have said that their babies need them to play with them. I’m glad Harry is so independent though 🙂 He makes me smile when he wants to watch a TV programme he likes and he gets up on the sofa himself to watch it, even by himself. At the moment he is into stamping his feet so it looks like he’s dancing or something 🙂

I only realised last night that I’ve been forgetting to do my affirmations. You can tell that it’s not something I’ve ever done. I’ve never made myself do something like that ever, so I’m honestly forgetting so easily. So

  1. I am not afraid to stand up for what I believe in
  2. I do all the washing in my house…mine, Harry’s, my parents…tea towels, bath towels, bed linen…I do it all! I also get it all dry and put it all away.

I’m going to end with a random poem that I wrote years ago about bonfire night…a depressing one of course but I was thinking about it because a couple of days ago I heard the last bout of fireworks, I haven’t heard any since.

“The Last November Lights”

 

Bright, coloured lights outside

Falling with the rain,

Bursting through the cold November air

Fading into the dark.

 

A sad song plays over and over

A world away from the dazzling displays,

How I wish I could smile

At the sparkling explosions tonight.

 

Tears collide with my words of farewell

Still, I love how crimson and sapphire stars

Have always adorned this one day

Of each pain filled year.

 

The bangs suddenly cease

A grey morning erases the simmering colours,

And I lie lifeless-

Gone with the last glittering light.

 

Written November 5th 2005, aged 17.

4 thoughts on “The Last November Lights”

  1. That is a sad poem, but also beautiful. I admire you for take such good care of Harry while you are sick. I hope you’ll be totally well very soon—-like immediately! Harry is such a doll, I love seeing photos of him. But they are not so much fun when they keep waking you up at night! I remember that well, with my daughter. I don’t think she slept through the night until she was 6. Haha. I mean that. Wishing you well in all things, dear girl.

  2. A sad poem, but very touching to ones soul. I adore your writting as it touches memories of actions I took so long ago.

    Your baby is beautiful and teething is a hard time on all. Be strong and you will make it.

    *hugs*

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