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Who the hell am I?

I remember a guy asking me a question that still has me stumped on a date back in 2008. I had just gotten out of a terrible relationship with my son’s father.  22 years old, completely oblivious that there was a whole big world outside of my son who was four at the time and his idiot dna donor.  So when the guy asks me to tell him about myself I panicked.  “What do you do for fun?” he asks. I’m just sitting there like, ummm….  “What is your favorite this and your favorite that?”…..ummmm…. “What are your goals and hopes and dreams?”  Ummm….. I will never forget the moment that I realized that I have never been my own person.  I had no idea who I was or what I wanted to do….You mean to tell me there are options in life?  Going to work and taking care of my son aren’t the only things there are?  I can have a *gulp* personal life???  I’m semi freaked out because What am I good at?? I’ve never done a damn thing!  Now, eight years later, I STILL don’t know the answers to that poor guy’s questions.  All I know now is that life is super trippy.  My hopes and dreams change all the time.  My interests are ALWAYS changing from one thing to the next.  I suppose the not knowing keeps things interesting.  Keeps me from getting stuck in a rut.  I have and will continue to embrace the mess and chaos.  Loud kids, annoying boyfriend, the cat that I pretend I don’t like but secretly play with and pet.  (shh..) My plain, boring, sometimes weird life is definitely all of those things but it is also blessed, happy, and ever changing.  I love that I have the ability to recognize that even though I don’t know myself very well I’m not doing too shabby with the road I’m on.  Things are far from perfect but perfect is annoying anyway. <3

2 thoughts on “Who the hell am I?”

  1. You are doing a wonderful thing raising your child in love. Your little one, over the years, will help define you, and that’s okay. You say you are happy! God bless you! That is so wonderful! Keep on being wonderful you. You don’t have to be able to define yourself with words. Really you don’t.

  2. “Life is super trippy” I definitely hear you on that one! But the great thing about identity is that it’s always changing and by the time we leave this earth, we’ll have an answer to the question “who are you!” It starts by you acknowledging your values, morals, etc and deciding what things don’t make up who you are!

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