If you haven’t read my past entry, this won’t make any sense to you. Just a fore warning.
Today I went to school (yesterday i was home sick) and did everything as normal.
Me and the guy I have a crush on talked a tiny bit today, and the talk today was strictly platonic. He texted first today though, which was interesting. He told me about the car he might be buying and we had a conversation about the car for awhile. Then we talked about how he was gonna attempt to go to work today. Then the convo stopped because he had to go to an appointment and then he messaged me out of the blue during last period telling me he was gonna go get a mcgangbang, so thats pretty much all that happened with us talking today.
The real juice is in what happened between me and my boyfriend.
I finally told him about my having a crush on someone else. I told him he likely did not have to worry about anything happening. He flipped out at first but then calmed down and told me he didn’t care, which kind of pissed me off. I told him he was a hypocrite for flipping out on me for having a harmless crush on someone when he has constantly flirted with others online and even had a crush on his best friends sister for a while.
He tried to turn things around on me and guilt me for not only having a crush, but for how a few months ago, I played a really nasty prank on this fuckboy that broke my friends heart. I messaged him and pretended to like him. We even “sexted” at one point. I told my boyfriend what i was doing while it was happening but he didn’t have a problem with it until the guy i was playing found out the truth and texting my boyfriend telling him everything.
He also guilts me for a lot of other things I’m too tired and in pain to type out.
This all ended in him playing the victim card again and blocking me on Facebook. I don’t know how this is gonna end but I’m really wanting to end this with me.
He makes me feel like no one else is capable of loving me for me except for me. That i’m too fat and ugly to ever get a chance with anyone else. He alludes to it all the time.
And sometimes I think thats true. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be loved again. I wonder if I will ever find someone who loves me for both the small things and the little things about me.
Im really tired and have a headache so I’m going to end this here. I will update y’all tomorrow.
Also for those of you who commented on my last post, thank you all so much for taking the time to reply. To the girl who suggested i read those two books, I went to the library today and got them! I’ll let y’all know how i like them