Wednesday, November 16th 2016
Today I planned on writing a long entry, then after what happened I thought I wouldn’t be doing a long entry, because of how I felt, but after thinking about it, I would be writing a long entry anyway.
So for a month or two now, I have been checking water taps 4-8 times before going to bed, leaving the house or after using one; if I used just one then only that one, but it might make me check the other ones at least once as well; I’d put my hands underneath to see if there’s any water dripping and close the taps to maximum, then do that all over again. I also check my alarm clock around 10 times before going to bed and check the hair straightener a couple times before leaving the house. If I don’t do these things, I get extremely anxious. I mentioned this to some friends and they said those are signs of possible OCD. Now I mentioned this before and I concluded that it might not be the case, but the thing is, it might just be the start. I don’t have enough symptoms to make a conclusion at the moment, but it’s something I talked to my parents about (while crying horribly because I feel so awkward talking about my problems to other people face to face; I make zero eye contact whenever this is the case and stay frozen), and they said they’ll get a psychologist, the same one I saw when I thought I had depression when I was twelve… I will admit then I was being ridiculous and I didn’t have depression, I was just sad cause I was a shy person, but now that I’m older, I can make more of a logical decision about these things and there is always the possibility of having OCD, yet it could also just be anxiety, since of being in 11th grade, more pressure to get good grades, make my portfolio, etc. My brother was a good example, since when he had a lot of anxiety, he’d rearrange his room all night. My parents also think this is a weird way for my body to release energy by moving back and forth cause I do zero exercise, so now they’re making me exercise on the treadmill at least 10 to 15 minutes when I get home. I mean, I needed a motivation to exercise, so now I have one, haha. If it is the weird energy releasing thing that I still don’t think this has a thing to do with it, then it’ll help, or if not, it’ll help the anxiety if that’s the cause, if not again, well.. Since a psychologist usually takes a while to meet, we’ll see if exercising does a difference. How I feel about this, well, I don’t want OCD, of course not, it can take control of your life, but at the same time, I don’t want to be proven wrong, cause even if it’s a ridiculous thought, I think about how the psychologist would think : “Wow, you thought you had OCD, silly little girl, don’t be an idiot”, and I know that wouldn’t be the case, but that’s just anxiety I guess. I much rather be told I don’t though, don’t get me wrong. I rather cringe over not having it and thinking I did than actually having it and possibly taking control over my life.
On better news though, I did a sort of treasure hunt for mugs in cooking class. One thing they didn’t tell us when joining cooking class, is that you would help with school activities, cause we are the ones cooking. So we had to get some mugs for tomorrow’s activity where 6th grades come to visit the school, see if they wanna come here after they graduate, and do mug cakes. We needed 200 mugs and found 99 mugs, so the school will buy the rest.
After this, I went to programming class and Megg Gawat messaged me at that time, so he gave me a hand with responsive web design after bringing it up and me mentioning that’s exactly what I need help with, but things didn’t seem to work out too well and he had to get back to work. We tried display: flex; and it just made everything odd, and I couldn’t find of a way to play with it as he suggested me, so I just put everything back to float: left; while I concentrate on the chat room I’m planning on doing and that way my brother can see if there’s anything to be done.
At lunch I sat with Kohai and as we were talking she mentioned something about her English class, so I checked my emails to see if the teacher responded about changing my next semester class to university level instead of college, that way next year I can get the writing class I so badly want, and she said yes! She also said to meet her at lunch for a paper to make my parents sign, so I quickly went to the office and got it. I’m so glad everything went by smoothly. My schedule might change though and I might not have psychology with Kohai, which is the only downside. I still have to see though.
After this, we went to math and we had a substitute, so all we did was a “quiz” (just homework in quiz format, basically), to practice us for the upcoming test in a week.
We finished the day with technology and I’m editing our super speed video. It’ll be good, I believe. Can’t wait to see the final product. I already cut everything so we have our appearances and disappearances, just got to add in all the blurred movements to see our in-between starts and stops.
When I got home I made the final Christmas/Holiday skin for a staff member, hanged out on the server by continuing my IV breeding, ate some delicious Chinese food, talked about the server and how we should change the name of it and see how we can improve to get more players to join, then talked to my parents about the OCD situation. Now I’m writing this entry which I have decided to write on my computer from now on, since I write a lot more a lot quicker, with my 131 words per minute.
I’m just gonna watch Supernatural and go to bed, because of how emotionally tired I am.
That’s all for today.