WARNING- IF YOU HAVEN’T READ MY PAST TWO ENTRIES, THIS WILL MAKE NO SENSE WHATSOEVER
Last night, me and my crush talked on the phone (well, Facebook calling but it;s essentially the same thing, although it would have been more meaningful if if had been an actual phone call because that would mean me having his phone number.) I think we were on the phone for a decent while and he was the one who asked to talk on the actual phone so that has to count for something.
My boyfriend (i should really refer to him as my ex now) still hasn’t unblocked me on Facebook and it’s been around 24 hours since we last talked, which usually would throw me into an anxiety attack that only his presence could sooth, But i don’t feel sad or empty like I normally would, which makes me think that I’ve anticipated this break uo happening far before I admitted it.
But my getting over him so fast may have something to do with this new guy getting all my attention and thoughts. The talk last night with him went no where romantic, we mainly just talked about how it was going to snow (which sounds super boring but we both are such colorful people that no conversation is ever dull between us no matter the topic) and he wanted me to help him chose what car he would get, since he had narrowed it down to two options.
And the talk today stayed strictly platonic. I posted a status on Facebook about being single so either he didn’t see it or he truly isn’t interested. or maybe he just doesn’t know how to approach the situation. Either way, no advancements have been made in that area, although we seem to be friends and he seems to like talking to me.
But my dumbass won’t get the message to my brain about this new bit of information. I looked through his pictures today and almost lost my shit. HE IS SOO FUCKING HOLSTER MODEL HOT WITH AN AMAZING PERSONALITY HOW THE HELL IS HE EVEN SINGLE. FUCKKKK.
He’s so nicely dressed and smells SO FUCKING AMAZING EVERYDAY and thats so different from what I’m used to with my boyfriend. Theres just such a difference and I’m really starting to fall for him but as the days go on i just keep getting more sure that this will never work in my favor.
In other news that no one cares about, my sickness is getting way worse than originally anticipated. I sound like dying cat when I talk and it hurts like hell as well. I’m hungry as hell but I cant eat anything without the feeling that the food is raping my throat.
School was average today but all I could think about was this guy, and he had to go to work at 3:30 and got off about an hour ago and he texted me right after it so thats a good sign.
Guys, Im honestly really scared. What if me and this guy don’t work out? What if i never meet anyone who loves me again? How can I get the pain over with quickly (rip the bandaid off if you will) and find out whether or not this is going to work out between us? aka, if he likes me back? Is there any other way to find out besides straight up asking him? I don’t wanna lose him as a friend or make him weirded out by just straight up confessing. I don’t want him to feel obligation to me.
Please continue to comment guys, it means a lot, it truly does