A new day

Yesterday was tough. It was a day that I knew would come no matter what. You can not escape death. Toothless had to pay her dues and leave us all behind. It sucks, but that is the reality of it.

I do not regret having her under go the surgery. It merely shed light on the progression of the disease and made it easier to solidify my decision to euthanize. It sucks, but I do not regret it. What would suck more is watching her suffer and decay. I would like to think my princess kept her dignity and wits during all of her final days. That my friends, is a gift.

I do not believe in a heaven. Oh sure the idea sounds fantastic, but there is no evidence of one. Dead men tell no tales. Much of the after life is a secret to us.

I do however believe in the astral realm and reincarnation. There is some evidence of both, but nothing that leads us to universal agreement. Right now her soul is forging a path in the astral realm waiting for a new assignment, waiting to be reborn. It is very possible that my soul will cross paths with her soul again either in this life or the next. Goodbye is temporary. Cat she may have been, but she was and will continue to be part of my tribe. We are kindred spirits. Our souls will find each other.

I am not entirely sure when her ashes will make it back home. We rent while we save up for our “dream” home. We made a decision as a family to not bury her on the property or else where because we all agreed that by doing so we would be leaving her behind. Even in death, we will not leave her. We will set her free.

Orginally our ceremony to honor her life in death involved a hike up Table Rock Mountain. We planned to throw her ashes down from the peak so that she can become one with the stars and earth. She will belong to every blade of grass, every drop of water, every gust of wind.

Right now on said mountain there are some major forest fires. Our ceremony will have to wait. Yet again, my girl is teaching my patience.

I have no idea how to upload a song. I mean I have some clue how to, but my data is slow. I leave you with the lyrics to a song that we assosciate with Toothless.

Cancer by MCR

Turn away
If you could get me a drink

Of water ’cause my lips are chapped and faded
Call my aunt Marie

Help her gather all my things
And bury me
In all my favorite colors
My sisters and my brothers, still

‘Cause the hardest part of this
Is leaving you

Now turn away
‘Cause I’m awful just to see
‘Cause all my hair’s abandoned all my body
All my agony
Know that I will never marry
Baby I’m just soggy from the chemo
But counting down the days to go

It just ain’t living
And I just hope you know
That if you say (if you say)

Good-bye today (good-bye today)
I’d ask you to be true (I’d ask you to be true)

‘Cause the hardest part of this
Is leaving you

‘Cause the hardest part of this
Is leaving you

5 thoughts on “A new day”

  1. I like the song. It is so true, isn’t it? Your beliefs about afterlife are different from mine, but I hope that yours bring you great comfort and peace. I, too, am sure you’ll be together again with your beloved cat’s soul, one day. I am sorry for the pain to you of saying goodbye—it’s evidence of the greatness of your love for her. May she rest in peace until her next assignment, and go to greet it happy and healthy. Hugs.

  2. I have to admit it… I was in the pick up line at the high school yesterday. A song I like and always associated as a love song came on. The lyrics go “Dear god, the only thing I ask of you is to hold her when I’m not around, when I’m much too far away”.

    Through my uncontrolable tears, as I sung those lyrics, I imagined a higher power… prehaps the christian god, scooping up her spirit and filling her with love and light. In that moment, I prayed – to your god. I did not pray for me. I prayed for her.

  3. Oh Goddess – my heart aches for you. And for everyone who loves Toothless. I know in my heart that she didn’t want to leave but she had to. Her work here on earth was done. She is free of the earthly body that was ill. And free to go and do more good things.
    Love and light to you and your family.

  4. Your prayer was heard and answered. I’m so glad you prayed for her. She’s going to be fine, now. All the sickness is over. The Bible says in Heaven there is “no more crying, nor pain, nor sickness or sorrow anymore.” I wish I could put my arms around you and hug you at this time. Know that you did everything remotely possible to keep her here as long as she could stay without suffering. When it was time for her to go, you lifted her up to God who will take tender care of her. Whether He is like I believe or whether gods are more like you believe, all that love created a cushion of peace and well-being around Toothless. I picture her in Jesus’ arms like the pictures showing the Good Shepherd holding a lamb in his arms. I can picture your kitty there safe in His arms, and I know on some level it’s true. I can almost hear her purring. Hugs to you, dear Goddess. And peace to your heart.

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