Warning: if you haven’t read my other entries, this will not make sense to you.
Another warning: there are lots of typos and grammar shit in this post because i was in a hurry to type it because I’m tired af so ignore that
Okay, so just a side note: I will from now on call my crush “Hollister Model” in inspiration from a few comments I received from this one individual who always reads and comments on my entries. I just thought it was an easier and well described name to call him.
Alright, so where do I begin on telling you about today?
I think I’ll start with simple things, small updates on things no one cares about, just to get them out of the way.
My ex boyfriend (finally calling him that) has still not unblocked me on Facebook and it has been 48 hours (probably more than that actually) since we have talked. I don’t feel any remorse or pain and i honestly feel like a piece of shit for not feeling anything. Maybe when my crush on Hollister Model fades the feelings will hit me harder, but until then, I only fill a bit of sadness when I think about him.
I had my first day of work today, not gonna go into to much detail on what I do, not that I’m not proud of it or its something bad because trust me, if i had the energy in me to go on for hours about how fucking awesome my job is, I would. But its pointless. So I’d rather not,
I got my hair dyed, so now i look a bit less scene. Its dark brown with blonde highlights. I really like it, even if it does make me look like a basic ass bitch.
So thats all the small updates I have for you. Now heres the juicy shit.
WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN WITH MY RECENT DEVELOPMENTS.
So this morning and afternoon everything was pretty basic.
He went to the hospital because he had trouble breathing and what not, don’t worry not anything super major, just a cracked rib and a torn peck muscle.
We talked about his work tonight, and how he was feeling a ton better.
Then about how he was gonna probably be back at school on Monday and how if teachers give him shit for being gone for as long as he was that he was going to punch teachers in the face. Then we talked about how teachers were pieces of shit, yata yata yata.
He randomly asked me if he can ask me a question
Which when anybody asks me if they can ask me a question it makes me nervous but when my fucking hot ass hollister model ass crush asks me that I freak the fuck out.
So I say “Sure”. of course, what the hell else am I supposed to say?
Then, he proceeds to ask me,
If I know
HE IS CONFUSED
and I’m not being homophobic here, because thats not what this is about. I myself thought I was a lesbian for a long while and now I identify as a pansexual and a non binary (as far as gender goes) so I’m a very accepting person.
But that kind of just shattered me.
I responded with some bs paragraph, saying I wasn’t sure if I had them on my Friends list anymore but I did know some bi guys. Which isn’t the truth, I know exactly who is bi and who isn’t on my friends list and i know whether or not I’m still Facebook friends with them or not.
He hasn’t responded back to that message yet and hasn’t been active on Facebook since then (which was about half an hour ago) and I don’t know what to do.
How am I supposed to handle this? I mean, he isn’t completely gay (at least he doesnt think) but he obviously is more into guys.
What the hell do i do? this is literally tearing me up and giving me great anxiety.