It’s late Friday night/ early hours Saturday morning and I’ve just finished watching 24hrs in A&E. It really tugged on my heart strings and I had a few tears, which doesn’t take much to make that happen I’ll be honest. Seeing all the families in the hospital distraught, scared and helpless, really hits home to me and reminds me of my times at hospitals. Hard times back and forth visiting my darling mother, the doctors, the antibacterial soap dispensers on the walls, the protective overalls we had to wear to visit her, the pipes in her nose, the personally famous story I told over and over again to every consultant I met.
Its so hard seeing people go through upsetting and difficult times, but this is a part of life I’ve been told and unfortunately I’ve also learnt this the ugly way after loosing my mother at 16. People can be so strong for others and in front of others but yet so weak inside.
Although I find it hard to be reminded of the worst thing that has ever happened to me, I can’t just wipe it from my life and my past, I’m trying to use the reminders to show me how far I have come.
Tears are good, but not too many all the time. My aunt said tonight “try to stop crying too much, it’s not good for you”. I’m trying to change my attitude and negative thoughts, we’ll see.