It hurts. My heart physically hurts.
Where is my romance?
Where is this person who I can being completely vulnerable with?
Where is my little sliver of light on the darkest days?
Sure I’m depressed. Sure I’m fat. Sure I have a resting bitch face, walk like man, talk like a man, dress and look like I live in a hole. Sure I can be coarse, emotional, sarcastic, jealous..
But if I wasn’t I would being deemed naïve.
I cannot change my face. I do not have the energy to be positive everyday. I do not have the time or money to make myself look like a person I am not.
I wish I could be pretty. I wish I could be sweet-talking, elegant, refined.
But I can’t. I spill over. I take up too much room. My hair gets greasy too often and never looks neat for more than two seconds. I get stressed and angry.
My heart is so heavy.
My future looks monotonous. Study, study, study, work, work, work. But if I didn’t study or work I would think too much. I need that person that stops my brain.
I need someone.
I’m tired of work.
I’m tired of looking at couples and craving what they have.
I’m tired of the pity. The sad looks. The hating.
I’m tired of crying. Of being so fucking lonely.