Loneliness

It hurts. My heart physically hurts.

Where is my romance?

Where is this person who I can being completely vulnerable with?

Where is my little sliver of light on the darkest days?

Sure I’m depressed. Sure I’m fat. Sure I have a resting bitch face, walk like man, talk like a man, dress and look like I live in a hole. Sure I can be coarse, emotional, sarcastic, jealous..

But if I wasn’t I would being deemed naïve.

I cannot change my face. I do not have the energy to be positive everyday. I do not have the time or money to make myself look like a person I am not.

I wish I could be pretty. I wish I could be sweet-talking, elegant, refined.

But I can’t. I spill over. I take up too much room. My hair gets greasy too often and never looks neat for more than two seconds. I get stressed and angry.

My heart is so heavy.

My future looks monotonous. Study, study, study, work, work, work. But if I didn’t study or work I would think too much. I need that person that stops my brain.

I need someone.

I’m tired of work.

I’m tired of looking at couples and craving what they have.

I’m tired of the pity. The sad looks. The hating. 

I’m tired of crying. Of being so fucking lonely.

I’m tired

I’m tired

I’m tired

One thought on “Loneliness”

  1. *hugs.* That someone that is just for you, will come. It won’t be forever, even if you think it will be. I know you think you can’t take better care of yourself, but find ways to do so that are inexpensive? There might be something for greasy hair. I’d look on amazon for that sort of thing. Or maybe simple ponytail hairstyles might help you out. Sorry if I’m being intrusive, just don’t want you to be so down on yourself. No one deserves to be unhappy and tired like that. No one.

    A stranger,
    Mandi

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