Yesterday we visited Matthew. He is the same and all his meds have been kept the same. I don’t see any improvement; but he may come home Tuesday, so I am thankful for that. It has sunk in for me that he will never be “normal” — Jacob, either, who is also autistic, more so. It’s kind of taking the wind out of my sails. I always knew they would be special forever, but I guess I harbored some hope that meds could help or something. Matthew asks every attractive female he encounters, “Will you marry me?” and “Can I kiss you?” At 15 years old this is not so funny as at 12. Will he ever be able to be married? Not if he can’t control his anger or hold down a job. I’m just worrying. That’s no use. I will go back to bed and try to sleep. Matthew’s mom took him a beautiful colorful “Shark Encyclopedia” —-gorgeous book. He liked that! He also look at my “Birds and Blooms” magazine with me, identifying cardinals, bluebirds, woodpeckers, hummingbirds, owls and sunflowers. I was so proud of him!