Nov 20 2016/ the realization that i have no friends

Hi, none of you know me, at least i don’t think that any of you know me. For those who it may concern my name is Billy. I am an 18 year old living in Ojai CA. i live in a boarding school away from my family. I have no friends. i occasionally talk to my roommate because he is the same way I am. We aren’t really friends though. I want to use this blog as an outlet for all of my thoughts and feelings so that someone somewhere can read what I am going through. i am alone all the time. Nobody talks to me and all I do is sit at my desk and play games. for the first few weeks I talked to everyone who would listen to me and tried to connect with people but it never worked. not a single person said one word to me without me finding them and trying to talk to them first. I also tried the same thing with everyone I texted and snapchatted. i used to have quite a few conversations, there were all very short though. i noticed that I was initiating all my conversations, so i had an experiment and didn’t initiate a single one for a while. That was a few months ago and I have received no messages outside of a few direct family members every few days. Depressing right? So that was when I came to the realization that I have no friends, not a single person in my life that is willing to expend the effort to send me a single message. It feels fantastic. Last week I even went 2 straight days without saying a single word. Not a one. Thats how little i am communicated with. That wasn’t put of just refusing to speak, that was just never having a reason to. anyway I have to study for a test, at least I might be able to pull myself out of the dark void of crippling depression for long enough to get good grades. thank you for listening whoever you are,may you have much better people in your life, and a reason to talk.

Love always,

Billy

One thought on “Nov 20 2016/ the realization that i have no friends”

  1. I’ve been feeling the same way lately. I have one friend – my best friend – and she’s a couple of hours away from me at her college. We don’t really talk outside of planning to get together or when we’re hanging out in person, and I don’t really have anyone else to talk to. Like the procrastinator I am, I’m pushing off feeling depressed and focusing on school instead. I hope things get better for you. Not having anyone to talk to can be so crushing at times.

Leave a Reply

SCROLL TO TOP