It’s amazing what one year can do.

On this day, November 23, 2006, exactly 10 years ago, I became a girlfriend. I remember the exact moment he asked me to officially be his girlfriend. It was awkward and sweet. He was nervous. I didn’t know what to say. (I wanted to say yes…But had to play it cool 😂) I had no clue that day would change my life….6 months later, my then boyfriend went home for summer break. Days leading up to him leaving, I cried. I didn’t want him to leave but I wanted him to see his family. The day he left for the summer was the day I figure out that this boyfriend was just no ordinary boyfriend. I realized that I was in love. Madly. Deeply. 2000 head over heals in love. Holy smokes. I wasn’t expecting that. That wasn’t supposed to happen. The plan was that we were supposed to have fun, enjoy some college life together and walk away with some new memories. That plan crashed and burned. But I was happy… so we went with it.  (Side note: we were the couple, the annoying,  Happy go lucky, so in love, couple that probably most girls dreamt their whole adolescent life. ) Fast forward through 4 years of college sports, college classes, crazy friends, graduation, struggles , and celebrations…I became a wife on the same exact day he asked me to be his girlfriend. How romantic. Incredible. Literally the best day of my life. Except it was a secret. And I couldn’t tell anyone #eloped #sorrymom&dad 👀🙈. There was nothing I wasn’t willing to sacrifice for this man. Love came easy. It always felt right. It was like putting your hand in your softball/baseball glove, you know that perfect fit. Fast forward 4 more years through LOTS of crazy life stuff (all in which we handled together ) moving across the country and more crazy life situations. By this point we are 8 years into forever.  Life had beat us down, picked us up, and then beat us down again. The second (or 5th, I lost track) time of life throwing its curve balls in year 8 and 9 it became harder to dodge . Year 9 was the year we called it quits. It was also the year I lost myself. It was the year I crumbled into pieces of nothing and drown in my own tears. I was breathing but I was dead. I picked myself off the floor, literally, many days because I had absolutely no choice but to out one foot in front of the other. Some days (who am I kidding, most days) I walked a mile backwards. I failed to deal with anything. I refused to accept anything I didn’t want to hear or see. (Behind closed doors ) I became weak, ugly, and made bad decision after bad decision. I can’t even remember November 23, 2015 … I was probably drunk or drowning in my own pool of tears. But I honestly don’t remember a single thing about that day. They say you don’t remember the pain of child birth …maybe the pain from last year was still so raw  my body:mind shut it out forever. I am ok with that. It’s probably better that I don’t remember that day. It was the first of many alones. The holidays last year were to date the most humbling. Spend a year completely alone . No friends or family for 2000 miles while going through a separation/divorce and see if you survive. It. Was. Not. Easy. But today is November 23, 2016. Exactly 10 years since I became a girlfriend. Exactly 6 years since I became a wife. Exactly 2 years since “we” celebrated our loving anniversary. But today…. Exactly one year since I found myself. It took a year l of bad, stupid, ugly, horrible, unforgiving decisions to be able to stand on two feet on solid ground and celebrate LIFE. LOVE. MYSELF. I survived. The road is not yet over. The papers have not been filed (soon…..there’s no turning back— God only knows.) but I can officially and proudly say that I have never loved myself more. I found myself. I know what I want, who I am, what I stand for. I don’t know why this had to happen. I may never know. I wish it had never happened and deep down I wish I was celebrating 10 happy years of marriage instead of one official year of figuring out how to be single and loving myself. But, those days of wishing, wondering, hoping, and living in the last are over. It feels good to look forward everyday and not want to look back. It feels good to laugh. It feels good to be me. I don’t have it all figured out but I know that whatever happens, I will survive. Happy Anniversary to me. Life is beautiful . Love myself!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

2 thoughts on “It’s amazing what one year can do.”

  1. What a powerful story! God bless you! You have learned a wonderful skill—how to love yourself and make your own dreams come true. You are so strong now! This is an inspiring story of your life. I’m so glad for you. Bless your heart!

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