11th-12th-grade-journal

Journal Day 30

I’m writing this at the start of the next day, 11/23/2016, but this entry is for yesterday, 11/22/2016. I’m going to write about yesterday and this morning, because it took all that time to finish Phase 1 – Organize. Especially because I kept the computer on overnight in order to back up 300 GB worth of files.

I spent that entire time yesterday and this morning just going through and organizing all the files on my computer. It took a lot longer than expected. I thought I’d get done with Phase 1 on the first day and immediately get started on Phase 2, but that didn’t happen. Phase 1 is supposed to be the easiest phase of all, but it was pretty difficult because my computer was so cluttered up with so many files.

After all of the cleaning and organizing was done, I went from 4.86 GB storage space free to 266 GB storage space free. My computer feels brand new again without having resorted to reinstalling the operating system. I had to delete a lot of files, most of that storage space that was freed came from videos. There were a lot of video game recording videos I had and those took up a lot of space, around 50 GB.

During that time of cleaning up and organizing every folder, I went through and found some older pictures. Some of them were taken from a few years back, while I was surprised that probably most of the photos were taken within the past two years. Very surprised at how much I had changed since just the past year.

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Megg, September 2015

 

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Megg, November 2016

I also found some journal entries from school, like when I was back in 10th grade, in which I was very energetic and full of life. School was a cinch, I had big aspirations for the future (I wrote about being a trillionaire). I was 16, I felt invincible. I really enjoyed looking through my 10th grade entries because there was a lot of growth for me during that year. I was very proactive, I started my own volunteering events and distributed posters, ran for student government against 16 opponents (and won), wrote a 100+ page book on physics (before I even took physics), wrote a few song lyrics and a few original stories. Life was so full, I feel exhausted just reading about it because I can’t keep up with that energy anymore. My entries from 11th to 12th grade were like a big punch in the face that knocked me out and destroyed any hope I had.

My 11th-12th grade life was full of events and responsibilities, I had written 813 pages of more than 360,000 words in those two years alone. School was a lot more difficult, my lofty aspirations from 10th grade never came true. I’m looking through some of these entries and I was so freakin’ stupid back then, I acted so immaturely and I wrote about inconsistent topics. I had a lot of complaints but never did anything about it. Still, I wrote about everything that came through my mind without any filters, sometimes pages are filled with nothing but curse words. I wrote about random things like homecoming, prom, applying for colleges, what happened that day, video games, etc., I was open and wrote about everthing there was to experience during those time periods in school.

11th-12th-grade-journal
Megg 11th – 12th journal entry word count and pages

My college years were a complete and total nightmare. I tell people sometimes that I missed college, that it was a good time, but after reading these entries and actually re-living some experiences, it was more like hell than anything else. I am so glad to be out of there. Sure, sometimes friends and I go back to college and we feel nostalgia and all that, but man I hated it so much. It felt so miserable that I had to drop out. I’m so happy to be out of there. Thank you. Thank you for allowing me to escape that torture. I’m so grateful.

After that, I had a couple 2-3 of years of silence, no journal entries or very sparse journal entries. That’s when I gained a lot of weight and I became obese. During that time period I had a passive online income through my website and I created my own business and started developing iOS, Android, and Windows apps, none of which made me any money. My friends were all forming their own businesses and were inviting me, I joined one of them and instead of actually doing work, a lot of the time the guys would get high or drive around and take road trips. It was fun, but I thought it was a complete waste of time.

During probably one of the lowest points of my life, I turned 21. There was just one person I knew who came over and celebrated it with me, probably because I didn’t take care of myself, I was obese, unhealthy, my appearance was garbage so people stayed away. This friend is, in my opinion, destroying his life NOW in 2016, he is constantly drinking every weekend and goes to parties often.

But at my lowest point in September 2014, he was there, he came by with a half-empty bottle and I drank my first shot of alcohol. I don’t remember that time period vividly and I doubt I kept any entries, but my life was just at the lowest possible point. I still had some passive income coming in, but nothing else was going on; I didn’t have any friends, I had no life purpose, my body was being destroyed and I was so unhealthy and unable to think, and I didn’t have a college degree.

Still, this friend advised me to look for a job, and I was able to find an opportunity that would basically save my life. You see how overweight/obese I was in the above photo in front of that computer? That was 10 months after I was already in a job, 10 months after I had started exercising and trying to take better care of my health, so you can imagine how much worse I was in September 2014. So a friend advised me to look for a job, and I thought it was going to be impossible because I had no credibility.

Still, I applied. I kept my applications mostly to within a few miles of the area because I had a sports car that guzzled gas and that I battled mental issues with because I’d constantly find a new dent or scratch and I’d try to park in remote areas or where I could see it. That car was something I wanted to get rid of for a long time because it caused me mental stress, I’d constantly look at it from the window and scrutinize anybody opening their door near it. It was painful.

So I tried to keep within the area, best if it could be walking distance then I wouldn’t have to drive the car anywhere. So I applied to a lot of places, maybe 5-10 places a day, a lot of them were offering $10-$13 an hour and I was happy to get those. But my parents said no, that was too low and that I would just waste my life working at those kinds of jobs. I was obese at the time so I had no idea how to even think. I even applied to Best Buy and I didn’t even get an interview, I think they thought I was overqualified.

There was this one ‘dream job’ I was looking to get though, and it was with a company in the city I had heard of before, about 2 miles away which was a good walking distance, and the pay, the perks and the culture blew my mind. It would have been a miracle and a godsend if I were to get accepted here, so I wrote the best cover letter I could and sent the best resume I could. Nothing. I sent them this resume sometime in September, a few days before my birthday if I recall correctly. It wasn’t my friend that made me start applying, but he encouraged me to keep on applying and after him celebrating my birthday with me, I never gave up.

I kept applying to a bunch of different places and this went on for a few months. There were a few places that gave me a phone call interview, but again being obese and unable to think clearly with all that fat cloggering my arteries, I wasn’t able to communicate properly over the phone. I’m pretty sure I sounded nervous, my voice was weak, my answers were ineloquent. A lot of people were interested in hiring me, and there was one recruiter who tried his best to get me somewhere, but I wasn’t able to find a place.

Eventually I saw an opening for the company of the ‘dream job’ I stated before, but it wasn’t for that same job, it was for a different position that I wasn’t really that ready for. Still, I applied. I sent an even better cover letter than before, and I think an even better resume too. I went all out for this second chance since they didn’t even contact me the first time. So I sent my application, and would you believe it? I got an email from them. They asked me what time I’d be able to call, and I was a person that didn’t have anything to do but stay home all day, so I said anytime, and they scheduled a time for me, I think it was for the next day or something.

When the phone call came around, I was a little bit better with phone call interviews having done a few of them already. Out of all the ones I did so far, this one would be the most important, I thought. I did my best on the phone call interview and I think he liked me from our conversation. I was obese and so bad and stupid at the time, I felt powerless but hopeful. A miracle happened and he emailed me saying something like, “I don’t think this position is right for you, but this other position might be” and he forwarded my resume and cover letter to the person in charge of the position which I called my “Dream Job” earlier.

I was pretty amazed, this was amazing. I applied for the wrong position, and I didn’t see any openings for this ‘dream job’ a few months later, but here was my email being forwarded to the person in charge of that position, wow! I think I had another phone call interview with this person in charge, and after that I was invited to the office for a real life interview.

Oh. I remember that life changing interview vividly. I didn’t want to drive the car that gave me so much stress, instead I biked to the town center. It was cold, it was freezing, I did some sweating while bicycling but I felt good, when I arrived I chained up my bike. The town center is this beautiful and gorgeous place, I have a picture of having lunch outside in Day 22 of my journal entries.

Beautiful. Beautiful location. The best location, I really can’t think of any better place. I had dreams of working in that area back in high school, I would bike there and see how beautiful it was, I thought how great would it be if I worked in this place. I had a quick lunch at Chipotle downstairs, because I was a little bit early for the interview, and then I went inside the building, took the elevator to a high floor, and there I was. Dream company. Dream job.

There was a man behind some glass doors that I grabbed and tried to open, but it was locked. He stood up from the desk he was sitting at and opened the door from the inside, he asked if I was “Megg Gawat?” and I nodded. He walked me around the office introducing me to the environment and the culture. Beautiful, beautiful office. It was empty because the Internet was down in the area that day, so most people worked from home.

But I saw that there was all this food there, I mean wow, so much free food and drinks too. I couldn’t even stop being wowed. Just reliving that experience is breathtaking for me. He kept walking me around, and introduced me to the person who gave me the first phone call interview. I shook his hand and smiled, happy to be there, thank you for forwarding my cover letter and resume I thought to myself. I was obese at the time. BUT what really made me want to get this job more than anything, was the view.

The man showing me around the office walked me to the table where we were going to have our interview, and asked me to sit. I walked towards the desk and one side of the room had windows all around, and I saw this phenomenal view of the city and cars going by from this very high floor in this high office building. I had lived here almost my entire life, but I had never seen the city from that view.

I looked outside and I saw everything. I thought, “I want to work here, no matter what I want to work here” after seeing that view. I saw the food, the perks, the pay, it was all great, but no one else I ever met in high school who were born and grew up in this city have ever seen the city from this view, and I thought that was awesome.

I had to interview with 3 different people including the man who let me in, the man who I had my first phone call interview with, and a woman who was in the same position I was interviewing for. I think I passed the interview with flying colors, after all I wasn’t the only applicant, but I was the only one who got the job. I was so happy.

This was a life saver event and possibly one of the best things that have ever happened in my entire life. Why? It was around 2 miles from home so I didn’t have to drive my stress inducing car, the pay was better than any other job I applied for (really, and I applied to over a hundred), the location was in the city where I have spent most of my life growing up and it was in the dream location of my high school dreams and the view was amazing, the work perks were great: free food, unlimited vacation, set your own hours, work from home as necessary, office gym, etc., I was just so happy.

Sometimes I forget where I came from, because I’ve been working at my dream company for almost two years this December 1st. I sometimes forget how difficult life was before the good times that I have now. And even though times are good now, I take everything I have for granted. Hmm, even though I have it great now compared to when I was obese and hopeless in 2014, it’s hard for me to take it all in and appreciate it all because I still want so much more. I’m nowhere close to being satisfied. With that, I start on Phase 2.

Phase 2: CS 1101 Week 2 Homework
Read the learning guide and complete the reading assignments
Complete and submit the programming assignment
Make entries to the learning journal
Take the self-quizs

2 thoughts on “Journal Day 30”

  1. Hi Megawatt! I read your entire entry —it was very long. You look much better in the 2nd photo. I am so excited for you that you got your dream job!! How many people can SAY that ?? You are very much blessed. You say you don’t feel grateful, even though mentally you do. I hope your heart will catch up and feel grateful, also. Congratulations and best wishes to you!!

  2. Thanks Grace! I know the writing style was kinda weird and it might not make full sense, I never proof read it, and I wrote it all into a text document with word wrap turned off (basically one paragraph = one line).

    So I hope it was clear that I got this position nearly two years ago, and I didn’t just get it a few days ago or something lol. I think I went on a tangent and just wrote about that entire experience because I don’t think it was recorded anywhere else.

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