Chronically late

I think I have mental issue for 5 years now or probably born with it

and the shittiest part right now is im always late for work and for everything that have to be on time. 

Im trying to figure out why dafuq am I always late.

It’s not because of laziness but it’s just  ” I don’t want to be on time ” 

Deeply I do want to be on time though but my head keeps telling me no, don’t . 

 

2 reasons that i know is

1. probably cause my job sucks and I dont wanna be there. 

2. probably cause when I was young, I had to sleep at my uncle’s house and walk back home every morning and whenever I wake up late, my neighbors will always Boo at me like BOOHOO late again so loud and it’s fucking embarrassing. 

Next day I can’t stand them anymore so I decided to cycling instead of walking pass them slowly and hear all the words for every morning. 

 

That’s the day I started to ” Ignore ” shits but it doesn’t end, they started to yell at me like 

hahaha are you embarrassed? that’s why you take bicycle?  jesus they’re all like old granny.

It’s just haunted me till this days. 

 

I know they wanna teach me lessons  but when they teach me in the bad way I’ll never take it even I know im wrong. 

 

that’s why my head wil always say Do and Don’t at the same time and i take Don’t all the time 

 

….. with mental things just got me thinking about a lot of things 

It makes me think what are humans born to do?

we could even die tomorrow and when i think about it , it makes me care less about all the things that happen. 

but well , people at work probably will already think that i don’t respect their rules, 

don’t respect the place, i know mental health is not an excuse to tell.

I hope they will fire me for not being on time, thats what i want them to do.

job sucks anyway. 

 

see.. i hate this , i feel like i don’t give a shit about anything , i regret it but i don’t regret it really

 

probably gonna go for farming

living in the place where i don’t have to care about time.

 

it’s too hard to change myself 

too much yolo in the head 

 

 

 

 

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