Journal Day 32

I woke up this morning pretty full of energy. I got up and the song My Drive Thru by Santogold started playing in my head, it’s an old song I found in my musical archives from when I was in high school. I couldn’t get it out of my head, it played loudly. I started dancing towards the bathroom as I went to go brush my teeth.

I actually wanted to physically listen to it, so I went to my phone to download it. Ah crap, there was this text message that said I’d used up 95% of my data already, and there was still 9 days left in the month. I disconnected from the network and downloaded the song through Wi-Fi. I grabbed the UE Mini Boom speakers I got for Christmas last year, and played the song (I just looked at how much they cost, didn’t know they were $90 a piece, but yeah these speakers are freaking amazing). I just played it on repeat out loud in the kitchen so everyone could hear it, must have played around 10 times before I turned it off so I could take a shower.

I took a shower and the shower was normal. Afterwards I took a look in the mirror and saw that my beard was getting long, I grabbed the electric trimmer and started trimming. I went up to my closet and grabbed a nice polo, it was a size smaller than I was used to. I was a little shocked I was going to attempt to put this little shirt on, but it fit. I put on the other clothes I needed and I started to study.

There was this assignment I put off for the longest time, the longest possible time, maybe 1-2 weeks or more, because I thought the assignment was too difficult. They basically give you an HTML file with some crappy text and pictures in it with no CSS styling applied.

The person in the video said something like “Okay you have a file and it’ll look like this,” and the video showed the crappy unstyled page,  “but by the end it should look something like this” and he showed this really nice looking formatted blog looking page. I was like, “fuck me,” and I procrastinated for 1-2 weeks or more on this assignment. I thought the task was to make it look like that page.

Today I looked at the instructions more clearly, and found out that end result he showed is after completing this and all the other lessons. So this was just part 1 of the assignment, and there would be other parts as I continued through. The instructions for this part was simple; compress all the images using a script, resize the article sections, make images have a max-width of 100%. This took like 4 minutes total to complete, this was the easiest thing in the world. But I put it off for the longest time.

I went to sleep again after this. I don’t remember doing anything else besides taking a shower, listening to the music, and doing the assignment. I thought about life and how short it was, and that my parents were taking forever to get ready, so I went to sleep again after watching a few more lesson videos. I think the lesson videos put me to sleep.

My parents woke me up when it was time to go. Aw, I wanted to sleep more. I reluctantly got up and put on my contacts. I slept in my polo shirt and dress pants so I didn’t have to do anything else. We left the house and threw away the trash before we drove to my cousin’s house for thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving is a pretty ignorant holiday. There’s a few hundred million turkeys unnecessarily slaughtered on this day, one is spared by the president, how nice of him. The native Americans don’t even celebrate thanksgiving, to them it’s a day of mourning. The entire story of thanksgiving is a myth. And then after we give our thanks, the next day is “Black Friday”, the biggest sale event of the year where crowds trample people to death in order to get an item on sale. That’s my opinion anyway, a majority of people will disagree.

I’d celebrate thanksgiving by not eating or purchasing anything. I’d meditate on and be thankful for what I have, I don’t need anything more. Black Friday would be a day in which I’d turn off and not use any electronics. These sound like more peaceful and reasonable celebrations than the rituals we perform now.

Anyway, when we arrived at my cousin’s house, we were greeted by a large number of family members. I was greeted by my cousins close to my age and we started talking. I mean a lot of talking happened this night, I don’t want to just say everything that happened. I basically shared what I was up to, and a lot of attention was focused on me.

My older uncles and aunts were surprised that I had lost a lot of weight. One of my aunts asked “Where’s Megg?” and then my mom pointed, “right there” and she was like “Oh I didn’t recognize him!” LOL. I got asked a lot of questions at the dinner table, so much attention was focused on me, I got asked what I was studying, what I was doing at work, how my general life was going. And I was addressing the entire kitchen and dining rooms as I answered, I mean people were just fascinated.

I ate as little food as possible. There were 3 turkeys, I ate not a single bite. Not that I wasn’t hungry, there just wasn’t anything I wanted to eat. I didn’t want to eat any turkey, no beef, no chicken, no mixed rice, no lumpia, no thanks. I ate some asparagus, eggplant, mushrooms, some crackers, and some mashed pumpkin. Boring food, but there wasn’t anything else for me that I wanted to eat.

My cousin who was hosting the party was doing well for himself, which I’m glad for. He has this huge house now, a few cars, and he’s happily married. A few months ago they adopted a new member of the family too, it wasn’t a kid. They got a new dog named Luna, who is probably the sweetest dog I have ever met.

I played with her almost the entire night petting her, rubbing her stomach, shaking her paws, dancing around with her, putting my face up to her face and her licking it, and more. I would put my fingers like 1 cm away from her eyeball and she wouldn’t even blink, then I would touch her eyelid and she wouldn’t bark or bite or anything. I’d touch her nose or rub it until she sneezed and she wouldn’t even do anything. I’d wiggle her front legs and made her dance, and she would just go along and dance. What the heck. This is the most passive dog I have ever, ever encountered.

Anyway, I talked to other people while playing with Luna, so that wasn’t the only thing I was doing. But yeah, Luna was extremely nice to me. When I entered the house and was greeted by people, she jumped on my legs and started wanting to be petted. I was like “whoa, new dog” and I thought she was going to be annoying because of how energetic she was in our first encounter. But no, Luna is the most passive dog I have ever met.

Anyway, eventually after talking with my cousins and other family member for a while, we eventually had to go home. My parents said we had to leave, and I said my goodbyes. We brought some food with us and we drove home, it was freezing outside.

When I got back home, I turned on my computer to do some more studying. I opened up Skype and was surprised that Observant Bystander actually sent me a message from this morning, around  9 AM. I thought she was at school during that time, and I didn’t have anyone else to talk to because my co-workers were out too, so I didn’t even think about turning skype on all day.

She was asking about how I was doing in my phases, specifically asking about how I was doing on the Udacity Portfolio project. Cool, I thought. I greeted her with a smiley face. From her message it was clear she’s looked at the status sheet and has seen what I’ve completed so far. I was pretty happy actually that she took a look and cared what I was up to. I don’t feel so alone anymore. Still, she should add her own tasks to the list as well so we can keep each other accountable.

We talked a bit more, and it seems like all her problems she was crying from last night disappeared. That was quick. She showed me the website she was working on again and said that she finished the chat room feature. I visited the site and the chat room and she was right, the chat room was finished, it was so cool. I was pretty impressed. She said she copied the code online though, because of that I advised her to try and rewrite the code from scratch again.

During our chat, I decided to visit the website to see if I got any new comments or anything on my journal entries. I scrolled down the page and saw a title that was glaring at me “A memo, to anyone & everyone.” UHHH, that raised a lot of alarms. I opened the page, skimmed through some words, and immediately posted advice and tried to get her to get in touch with me right away.

I relayed all this information to Obs who never even saw the post. I was like, “How does no one see this cry for help post? It’s right there on the first page!” Her name is Danielle, who I’m so glad is safe now. I gave Obs some of Danielle’s other social media pages like her Twitter and her Facebook so Obs could get in touch to try and save a life here. I didn’t have a Facebook so my reach was limited. Anyway, Obs became proactive on her own and told me she was going to contact the police.

Well, I told her I was just going to write my entry and study some more. I thanked her for inspiring me and advised her to continue working on her skills. In reality though, I was going to think for a bit. I started thinking about life, about death, and about some of the experiences I’ve had.

I’ve lost a few friends. It’s a weird feeling to think that, there was this person here so recently, and now they’re gone. We all eventually die some day.

I’ve had many friends that wanted to commit suicide and discussed it strongly with me. But I’m so glad they’re still around today. I hope they continue to be around. Some of them I don’t talk to anymore but I still think about.

I’m just concerned sometimes, I think, hey are you still around? Then I’d check their Facebook to see, good you posted something recently, thank you. I’d cry if I just saw “Rest in peace” posts all over their walls, it should not happen, please. Yet, it can happen. It’s scary to even think about, just please continue living.

Selfie for the day

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