Hi, i am new to this writting journal thing. I dont know how to even start, but i know we are all here for one reason. Which is because we have alot of thoughts running through our minds. Lol.. i know i sure do.
And well here it is.. I am at 28yr old Mother & “house wife”. Yes i know parenthesis? You may ask why?.. Well sure ill explain.
I have been on a complicated relationship. Yes we all have been in one. With lots of crazy in it.. lol. I admit i went crazy several times. Why because i was in love & fusterated. In love i thought.. i was young & stupid! In fact we all young & stupid in some times of our lives.. But what do we do???.. ill get back to that question. In these past 10/11 years of relationship their has been from lying, cheating, fighting, disrespecting ect. Situations.. No he never hit me!! That i always left him clear of.. TOUCH ME & IM GONE! YOU WILL NEVER SEE ME AGAIN! Im guessing hes always been scared of loosing me. I will never for sure know. Why because if he really did love me, Why would he hurt my feelings?? Why would he want to hurt me period! I loved this guy!
Well to much of that.. sigh! Now i am living with him and my daughter. She is my life, she is my everything, she is the one person i want to be someone for. Yes we all do fucked up shit.. She will never be a regret in my life. She is the biggest blessing i have. & She is the personality i always think of. What is right for her? How or in what environment i want her to grow up in? What i would like for her to do with her future?. I want more & beyond for her..
So tell me what do i do??
Im going crazy just thinking & thinking.. What do i do? & Thats the question that runs through my head everyday.. & how? When? I don’t know.. (shaking my head) clueless!!
By this time your probably questioning yourself what am i talking about. Well im tlking about alot of things!! I really am.. thats how crazy my head goes with all the thinking i do.
I am in love! I really am!!! What do i do?? (Sigh)
So many more questions run through my head as i tHInk of one thing & then another.. they just never stop.. Do i leave? Do i stay?
Will i get what i want if i leave? Is it really how im imagining it? Am i going to fast? Should i slow down? But… Is he really my soulmate? What if im just getting ahead of myself?? But… What if he really is the love of my life???
Will he be judgemental? Will he really love me for me? What do i do??
When i think about leaving.. All i see are good reasons why i should leave! Like.. i love him, i know he loves me, i trust him, ive been treated with nothing but love with him.. we know each other since kids, our families know each other.. But then here comes my dad in my questions.. why? Because he dont accept this guy.. ?
I GOTTA GO. ILL TRY TO BE BACK SOON!