Hi, Good morning.. lol.. Im awake! Yea and everyone else is in bed.. That is what i get for going to bed early!! Anyway now im up and again with alot in my mind. Right now while he is out with his “girlfriend” is he thinking about me? Or should i say does he think about me as much as i think about him?? Does he dream me like i dream him?? Yes, im serious is in mostly all my dreams for a long time now… (I giggle) i think am i really in love?? I miss him so much and like crazy!! You can not imagine. My day dreads when i dont hear from him.. i miss him!!! Ahhh (in a yelling voice) haha.. (bidlg smile in my face) This is how he makes me feel.. I just want to be in his arms already!!! I want too so very bad.. but i cant i just can’t!. Why? Because i have a daughter now. Because am i doing the right thing? Should i for once in my life follow my heart?
What do i do?
I am so confused.. my plans the ones i did in my head for my future with my boyfriend. Now i dont see them. I feel sad because what i once wanted is not their anymore. Its really sad. I feel selfish. But dont i deserve to find happiness to? Aint i supposed to be happy? With the person i love? But how? When? Ughhh i just dont know.!!
I stand here constantly looking at myself in the mirror as i type.. and think. Will he love me? Will he like me for me? have i not been true to myself? I try to look deep in my eyes to see something in me. Something that will tell me what i should do? Something that will show me if i leave will it be a good decision?. Am i following my heart or do i follow my mind instincts? (Nodding my head) its crazy i know.. everything is crazy? What would you guys do? In my situation what would you do?? Really put yourself in my shoes. We are going to our 11th year. And sad thing is we dont even have a anniversary date because of all the times we have broken up! Sad. I know.. (frowned face).. im off to bed now.. see what else i go do.. or maybe i should just go to sleep.. (smiling) so i can dream with my love!! Yes i so should. Lol. Will see. I will try to be back soon. .
Very soon(smiling big)…