Ruined……

What if I am broken goods? What if all of my traumatic life experience have changed my mentality for good? I remember i used to love life. I was happy, bubbly. Now i am a saddened teenager who has grown up way too fast in every way possible. Taking care of my mother since fourteen has changed me, dealing with overwhelming depression has changed me. A lot has changed me. Ive always viewed the world differently from everyone else. I see things for what they truly are. I see the good, the bad and the ugly. Mentally i am older than my age. Thats the one “pro” to depression. You’re smart. In a different way. Not academically or street smart. But smart in a different sense. I feel like these past five years have ruined me. I no longer take interest in things i used to love. I no longer have the same goals in life as i once did. Ive experienced adult things at such a young age. I never really had a regular teen life. I didn’t go to football games every friday’s. I didn’t go to the 14 and up parties they throw here. I didn’t get to do much. Now here i am. turning 18 in two months. Emotionally and mentally scarred. I will never be the same and it saddens me.  The fact i had my first heart break at such a young age has ruined my perspective on romance. Im scared of love and getting hurt, i fall for all the wrong people. Ive ruined myself and i don’t really know where to go from here.

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