Saying goodbye

Saying goodbye 

It’s a scary thought, thinking that I will never be able to enjoy you again.  It’s only my third day without you, and I keep bursting into bursts of tears. 

I can’t imagine my life without you.  

I still haven’t come to terms that I can never be with you again.

For years and years you were my comfort blanket.  Whenever I felt alone and empty I reached out to you.  

You were my best friend!  You were always there for me.

You filled me with confidence, made me feel beautiful and special. 

When I was in your company I felt untouchable.

All my worries and fears melted away, I thought you were the answer to all my problems that I could rely on you.

But I was wrong!

You have controlled my life for far too long!  I had become completely dependent on you.

My life has spiraled out of control, thanks to you!

You have stole away so much of my time… and so much of my finance.

I’ve fallen out with friends and relatives because of you and made a complete fool of myself because of the things you made me do!  When I was with you I was out of control.

I lost my mind, and did things which were irrational, risky and just plain stupid!

All along deep down I knew you were bad for me, but I was hooked. 

You were my magical potion, instead of confronting my fears, I used your warmth to numb my feelings. 

I know my life will be better now that you have left. But that doesn’t stop me from being scared.

When I tell people I am no longer with you, they will laugh.  They will expect me to go running back to you. 

Even now when I am writing this I am not entirely sure that I am convinced myself that you have actually gone.  We have been together so long, its impossible to picture my life without you.

My whole life is going to change!  I am alone… and I have to cope with the consequences of being alone.  I have to manage my own thoughts without relying on you. 

This is my third day without you, and it hurts.  

I’m scared and lost!  I need to learn to be independent… I will need to find new friends.

Alcohol, you have been my best friend for way too long!

 

2 thoughts on “Saying goodbye”

  1. After going through two AA meetings, these words cannot be any truer. You’ll make it, you just have to rely on “You” now. 🙂

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