As i am sitting in my livingroom/ kitchen eatin my quesadillas with coffee i am thinking about everything.. those questions just wont go away. Last night my heart felt happy. Before i went to bed i was checking on any updates on my love since i havent heard from him since Wednesday night. Its been the longest days ever! The days dread they really do. All i want is to hear from him. A simple “hey babe, i miss you!” Or a “hey babe wyd?” Anything & my heart will melt & my butterflies will start fluttering all over my tummy. Thats what tells me im in LOVE! But yet i havent heard from him. Im hoping its soon. But anyway back to my heart being happy. Yes i know its stupid but i usually check to see what his baby momma has posted. Thats how i know what he is up too. Shes the kind of person to post her whole life on Facebook. So to go back a little she blocked me from his page one day. I just couldn’t see anything, but last night as i logged in i nocticed he unblocked me. My heart literally skipped 1000 beats. Why? Because to me that is a sign he misses me too. He wanted to see how i was doing or what i was up too.. but now it is monday & i still have not heard from him.. im going crazy not knowing how his day is going, how he is feeling. Its monday & i hope he can talk to me soon.
Getting out of subject.
As i layed in bed next to my boyfriend. I couldn’t help it but stare at him. Thinking he is the person i wanted my life with one day. He is the person i once loved. Hes the one person i saw my future with. Now im not so sure. I look at him & question myself what happened? Where did all my love for him go. But thats a really stupid question. Because i know where it all went. He pushed me away little by little. He cheated more than once & i always forgave him. Im not going to say im innocent in all this because i am no saint. I did my wrongs too. But all this was after i saw how he was hurting me. Each time i cared less. But i wasnt this person. He made me this person. The person that stopped caring, the unhappy, mad person. When i kept seeing how he kept hurting me over & over. With his cheating his lies. My heart just kept getting nothing but disappointments from him. I became him. I started playing his games. & I may say i became good at it. At lieng cheating. Something i am not proud of because im not this person. I gave him my all & i continued too. But with more sense of who he was. My heart just ached. I can honestly say i know where my love for him went. Down the drain & i know how it happened. Can you say its my fault for falling out of love. No not really because it was him that pushed me all the way down. We hurt each other we disrespected each other, we lied, cheated everything & anything you can name. I feel like im bieng selfish but i really am not. I deserve my happy ending. I just dont want ro hurt anyone.