What on earth do I do

I have written this entry twice and have lost it all each time 🙁 I am so upset and angry.

I have been letting Harry stay with Will and his family on his own the past few weekends because Will’s mum was requesting it so much. I saw that Harry was getting used to being at their house and at first I let him stay an hour then I’ve increased the time. I’ve been doing it slowly because I don’t know Will’s family, I never met any of them until the day I gave birth to Harry. Will didn’t arrange Harry staying with him and his family without me there himself, his mum had to do it for him. Will seemed to get along quite well with my mum and seemed to listen to her far more than he listened to me. Will’s mum, Sue, promised they would only have Harry in their house or would let me know when they were planning to take him out anywhere. The last two times though they have taken Harry out and only tell me when I come to pick him back up. Yesterday Harry wasn’t wearing a sufficient coat because I thought they would tell me if they were planning to take Harry out and its been freezing. When I picked Harry back up yesterday I didn’t say anything as I was on my own and I didn’t want to start an argument. I have a delicate mental health diagnosis and I didn’t want to make things worse. My mum wasn’t happy to hear about how they were taking Harry out without telling me they were going to, and because they don’t tell me obviously Harry doesn’t have everything he needs.

My mum rang Will just to tell him could they please let me know if they were planning to take Harry anywhere? Big mistake. I was trying to avoid a massive argument and it happened anyway. My mum was yelled at down the phone so much that she was terribly unwell afterwards. She was almost in shock and wouldn’t really talk or respond to Harry, me or my father. This morning she was in tears. There are other things going on for her like her retirement after her cancer and Will yelling at her seems to have pushed her over the edge a bit 🙁 She told me he was so aggressive and that he said he didn’t have to tell me or anyone else where he was taking Harry. 

This is all my fault. I obviously contacted Will myself much later to say that the next weekend visit I’d have to stay too. I said I no longer trusted his family because they were taking Harry out without letting me know first when his mum promised they would. I would have dressed Harry in a sufficient coat. They don’t have reigns for him when he walks, they don’t even have a push chair.  How can Will say he doesn’t have to tell me when they plan to take Harry out? What if something bad happened, I wouldn’t have a clue where they all were.

I’ve been using reigns on Harry because he hasn’t got too much experience walking outside, as he only started walking in the middle of August. He still falls over all the time. I really just don’t trust Will or his family anymore. I don’t know why they dislike me so much?! Obviously they are extremely upset and don’t want me to be there next weekend. But if Will thinks he shouldn’t tell me, the mother, where he takes my son then I have no reason to trust him! My mum and I took Harry to visit Will and his mum on Thursday and it was obvious they wanted us to leave. I was so scared because I found Harry playing with alkaline batteries and Will didn’t take them away. His mother said something but Will stated ‘he’s just rolling them.’ Whenever I say anything they say Harry is fine. Harry had like four pairs of scissors he was pulling out a drawer!

I have such concerns about the way Will started aggressively yelling at my mum enough to cause her extreme upset that she still hasn’t gotten over, I didn’t realise he was like that?! What the hell have I gotten myself into here? I’m so livid and upset I’ve had anxiety diarrhoea all day and have completely lost my appetite. How can I trust him and his family with Harry when he’s only 17 months old and they don’t plan on letting me know when they plan to take him out so I can make sure Harry has everything he needs?! Whenever I leave Harry with them, I’ll have no idea where the hell they’ll go when I leave! This isn’t right for a 17 month old. How could I miss this aggressive streak in Will? I just don’t trust him! He’s aggressive, he yells at strangers who are recovering from cancer obviously and makes them scared. Now I’m scared. I know I’ve said I have to be there next weekend but what if Will aggressively yells or does something else because obviously he won’t want me there. What do I do? I’m so scared!

4 thoughts on “What on earth do I do”

  1. There are a few things that you mentioned, that as a mom, I would want addressed before Harry visits solo again (if I were you).

    1. They are willing to take a toddler out in cold weather without appropriate gear. This is seriously bad judgement. I can understand wanting to take him out without a harness or without a stroller – but without warm clothes?!?!

    The house is not child proof. Harry has had access to batteries and scissors. Toddlers learn orally. This means taste is as important as sight. It also means babies cram everything they get their hands on into their mouths. One battery swallowed is one too many and the fact that Will allowed his son to play with batteries is straight up ridiculous.

    Prehaps since communication has been at a low point you could write them a letter informing them of what you havr observed and why you are NOW concerned for your son’s safety in their care. You trusted them. They are showing they can not be trusted.

    You are not wrong for these worries. You gave them a chance.

  2. I was going to comment until reading the one just above me. I doubt I could say it any better, so on that note, at least you realize that a few of us agree that you’re definitely not wrong in your worries.

  3. The battery thing yes but they did buy him a coat, so that one isn’t as bad as it seems. Thank you to both of you for replying. Therealgoddessianna I hope you’re feeling a lil more better each day! xxx

  4. I am sorry for what you are going thru.
    They are very rude for lying to you. And it is very dangerous to take a young child out when he is not dressed for the weather.
    I think that Harry should be in a stroller (push chair?) or with the reins, it only takes a blink of an eye for a child to dart out in traffic or stumble and fall and getting hurt. I used reins (leash over here) on my youngest son and it was great as he had a sense of controlled independence.
    I understand how the stress effects you and your Mom.
    I bid you peace.

    Thank you for your supportive and kind comments.

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