Lately I begin to have moments where I suspect that my deepest thoughts are borderline delusional. I catch myself in moments where I am almost convincing myself of something that doesn’t really seem to be happening. If you read my entry yesterday, you can get the gist that I have suffered through an ugly past. I’ve experienced and survived situations that would cripple most people mentally. To be fair to myself, I made it out okay and everything is silent and peaceful and that perhaps is the issue. I spent too many years in such chaos that when something good does occur, I wonder where the ‘punch line’ is. The conundrum is that I obviously know better and yet it continues to plague me.
My brain right now is a salad of disaster.