For I am a Cat of very little brain and it really bothers me

I really need to set my priorities straight. I’ve been telling myself that for a while, but I’m king at procrastinating and I need to get my ass in to gear before I fuck things up even worse. I’ve been called out on some shit and fuck I really need to look at myself because I need to get over this shit. I judge harshly. I….I…fuck. I do get embarrassed. I get embarrassed because sometimes I feel like assimilating to the social norm and you don’t. It embarrasses me because I care about what others would think of me if I followed whatever it is you were doing….I’m slowly getting out of this feeling though…it’s a really slow transition, but please be patient. You’re showing me just how exciting it is to be yourself and I want to be myself with you. I want to feel ok with myself and what I do for once in my life. Being with you is eye opening. I’m breaking free of all the shit that’s held me back from being myself because of you. I’m learning so much. I danced like I’ve never danced before. I’ve sung like I’ve never sung before. I feel a tiny bit of inner peace with every moment I share with you. Your life at the moment is hard. Really hard and I must confess it is scaring me. I’m ashamed to say it’s really scaring me because I have no idea how to help you. I feel like just being there for you isn’t helping at all but maybe that kind of thinking is wrong and selfish. Maybe if I can’t help in other ways I can help by being someone you can talk with who will listen and…try their best to relieve your stress in different ways. By being reliable. By being patient. By being understanding. I’m trying my hardest to be mindful. I’m trying to learn more about compassion and love. I know that I can be really cold hearted at times. You’ve ignited a little fire that I’m desperately striving to keep alive and well nourished so it can grow to heat up most if not all of my heart. It’s some lame writing but it’s what I feel. I feel like this is a pretty good step towards more self-awareness and compassion towards others. Keep calling me out on my shit baby girl.

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