Urgh, today was worse than yesterday. My mum cried so much again and was yelling angrily at my dad and me…whenever my mum gets really upset like this there is absolutely nothing you can say or do that will make her feel better. If you try talk to her she will always say that your suggestions are rubbish, she’ll accuse you of not caring and not helping, she thinks you’re being mean to her…nothing works. Then obviously my dad and me leave her alone and then she’ll yell because she accuses us of ignoring her and therefore that means we don’t care…but if we talk to her everything we say makes her angrier and she just screams and shouts and cries and she accuses us of not caring still 🙁
I am not complaining about her I am just saying what has happened. I am desperate to try and help and I get so frustrated when nothing I do or say helps and is met with such anger so I end up arguing back and crying myself, I just can’t seem to stay calm 🙁 I am desperate to help but nothing works, anything I do makes it worse and my own mum thinks I don’t care and that I don’t help and it is just not true. I try to hug my mum but she doesn’t hug me back or respond, or she says she doesn’t want a hug. I don’t know what to do. I said that I was leaving with Harry because I couldn’t cope anymore and I said what is the point of me being here if you think I don’t care, you obviously don’t think anything of me at all. All she said was I wasn’t taking the car, that both cars were hers. I said I’d walk and she said fine then. She then said she’d leave instead, she was asking my dad and me if that would make everything better. Urgh it was just so messed up! I went to be with Harry, I was just talking crazy because I was so worked up so I needed to step away from the situation…thing is dad carried on trying to talk to her and he was getting the full force of everything instead 🙁 I hate that I ended up saying I’d leave but truth is I can’t afford living on my own with Harry anywhere. I want to leave so much but I can’t and it frustrates me so much that I can’t.
Whats happened is my mum has had this cyst. The doctors said this was an extremely common thing to happen as a result of her hysterectomy. I think it’s common of a lot of different surgeries. When the cyst was discovered in July my mum said that when they check on it further down the line she would like a CT scan. Doctors said they would do an ultrasound instead. She had the ultrasound and the doctors are saying they need to investigate the cyst further with a CT scan. My mum was screaming and crying that no one listens to her, that she asked for a CT scan and they said no and now they wanted her to have one. She was looking on her phone at information about bladder cancer and her cyst is next to her bladder. She thinks she has cancer again. I don’t think she has cancer again I really don’t. A cyst doesn’t mean cancer. I had an ovarian cyst removed when I was just 25 I think! I ended up having the ovary removed as the cyst was so big but the cyst wasn’t cancer or anything, cysts don’t mean cancer…cysts can happen quite often!
After the terrible argument I text my aunt in Mexico and my sister. Each of them rang to talk to my mum. I wanted my mum to realise people do care. I knew they’d phone her and try to talk to her because they do care! I then got Harry ready and my mum and I took him to the local park so we could all feel a little better maybe. It was a beautiful sunny day but freezing! Harry is still doing ok despite the insane arguing…I have been playing with him a lot again. Lately hes been quite playful like a puppy so I’ve been swinging him round and putting him on my shoulders and helping him rolly polly and things like that; I can’t explain what I mean but he laughs so much when I’m playful with him, that sort of puppy playful kind of behaviour. I just hope he continues to be ok in all of this I really do.